Try out these sex jokes on everyone you know – except your mom

Lets face it: sex is funny. Whether it be a double entendre or an outright mention, anytime sex gets brought up in conversation, usually through jokes, it’s sure to make someone giggle like a nine-year-old boy. 

To celebrate that, we bumped our way through the internet to find some knee-slapping jokes about sex everyone can laugh at – except your mom (and any other older family members). 

Grab some protection and dive into these hilarious sex jokes. 

This is mine 

“Give it to me! Give it to me!” she yelled. “I’m so wet, give it to me now!” She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

Police, hands in the air! 

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for two hardened criminals.

Where are the donuts? 

Who’s the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts. 

Starting off right 

If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

Church chase

A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

Key differences 

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year. 

Pasture humor

What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin’ off! 

Difficulty rising 

What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets. 

Indecisive?

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

Important steps 

What comes after sixty-nine? Mouthwash. 

B-specific 

What kind of bees make milk?
Boo-bees.

Wardrobe malfunction 

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.

Smoking hot 

My girlfriend asked me if I smoke after sex . . .
I said I haven’t looked.

Liar, liar 

What do you call a person who doesn’t masturbate?
A liar.

Money talks 

What’s the difference between your penis and a bonus check?

Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.

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Know any other funny sex jokes? Drop them below in the comments to keep us laughing (and warn us if you see mom coming!)