Drinking #ForTheThrone: The ‘Game of Thrones’ S8 drinking game
HBO’s Game of Thrones is no stranger to alcohol, from the wine-soaked brothel revelries of Tyrion Lannister, to the hate-drinking of his big sister Cersei, to the Hound’s alcoholic misery, to Thoros of Myr’s jolly, drunken priestly swordplay.
Famous drunk King Robert Baratheon was even killed by a wild boar after his unhappy wife Queen Cersei swapped his everyday hunting wine for something a bit stronger.Get sloshed with us this season using this handy guide on when to drink, when to pour one out – and when to abstain in solidarity. If you’re not a drinker, join in on the fun by substituting booze with your favorite nonalcoholic tipple, and see how much more easily the many plot holes go down.
When you play the drinking Game of Thrones, you drink or you die
Speaking of death, any time a named character dies you must drink. The show’s penchant for surprising character deaths will likely become a lot less surprising as the ice hits the fire later this season, so gird yourself well.
Any gratuitous violence must be met with a sip – and while we’re at it, gratuitous sex as well. Episode 1 was pretty light on both but as the season wears on, we’re quite certain this paragraph alone will lead to serious buzzes. Ser Bronn would approve.
Fire and Blood . . . and wine
Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, First of Her Name, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven Kingdoms, Mother of Dragons, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Unburnt, the Breaker of Chains has mostly been reduced to making haughty expressions at Jon this season, but you’ll need to drink any time Dany throws a cheeky one-liner.
On the other hand, Dany’s full-grown pets shut down all hope of resistance, so put all drinks down during any shot of a dragon – even if you’d otherwise have to drink. Even a Targaryen’s got limits.
As for Dany’s advisors, good old Tyrion appears to be making bad jokes still, so drink. Lord Varys is mostly reduced to staring meaningfully, so drink again. And lastly, Ser Davos saying something level-headed must also prompt a quaff, just to keep us a little off balance.
There must always be a drunken Stark in Winterfell
Non-bastard Jon Snow, a.k.a. Aegon the Sixth, has lost his mojo now he’s bent the knee, so drink any time Jon looks confused. Speaking of the abdicated King in the North, apparently the CGI and animal training (or all that real fur necessary for shooting in northern climes now Winter’s here) was too expensive, so drink any time a dire wolf appears. Given how important the beast was in the books, drink twice for Jon’s familiar, Ghost.
Did you find Sansa’s transformation into a leader her murderous, vengeful little sister now considers the most intelligent person in Planetos a bit jarring? Drink whenever Sansa is haughty (which is every line now). As for Faceful Arya, drink any time Arya makes a threat.
That guy in the wheelchair? Drink whenever Bran (or the three-eyed raven if you’re nasty) says anything. His lines now are full of dark portent and double entendre, delivered totally deadpan and sans facial expression, so a bit of spirit is just the thing to enliven us.
Speaking of lifeless Starks, swallow your swill during any scene in the Winterfell crypts and pour one out for your homies any time someone mentions a fallen Stark.
Flowery, wine-soaked seats in the South
Winter is a mild affair down in King’s Landing, and the Red Keep’s cellars are full, thank goodness. Drink anytime psychopath Queen Cersei does something self-defeating, which is of course most of the time. Oh, and of course drink when Cersei drinks.
The Kingsguard is still happy to serve, so make sure to drink any time you see the eyes of creepy zombie warrior Ser Robert the Strong. Might as well drink when Ser Bronn drinks too.
Most of the leaders of Westeros are in triage mode making things up as they go in the face of an 8000-year-old threat Oldtown considers nonexistent, so drink any time a Maester speaks – remember, Qyburn lost his chain and Sam never graduated, so they don’t count! Alchemists are still cool, though: drink whenever wildfire appears – there’s likely to be lot up at the big fight.
The Song of Wine and Rum
Having finally arrived in Winterfell, drink whenever reformed kingslayer Jaime does anything selfless. And his gal pal is likely to get some unwanted attention, so chug whenever Tormund hits on Lady Brienne.
Focus has definitely returned to Westeros this season, but just in case we get a chance to travel again, drink during any scene in Essos. (That includes Melisandre in Asshai, Braavos, Pentos . . . you get the drift.)
Which reminds us of other places the show has been ignoring lately: drink whenever the action shifts to Dorne. I mean, isn’t that where you’d go during Winter? They have the best wine, after all. Not to mention those fiery peppers!
Travel is the heart of Game of Thrones. Characters jump about Westeros without dragons all the time lately, traversing leagues in minutes. So drink during any scene on a ship or carriage.
Lastly, let’s look forward to some battles with horrible ice zombies. Any time someone unsheaths Valerian steel, drink. And most certainly drink when a White Walker raises the dead.
What is dead may never die – let’s hope we can rise again harder and stronger Monday mornings this dream of spring after playing this game five more times.