Get cheesy: Ranking the weirdest pizza movie moments
There’s no finer union in this life than pizza and horror movies – which is why we think the new project from Fangoria’s new movie studio combining satanism & pizza sounds like the perfect dish. Fangoria’s Satanic Panic, a dark comedy about a pizza delivery girl who discovers her final order of the night is going to a house of high society satanists looking for a virgin sacrifice, premieres in September.
Those kind of bastard orders are always the final ones of the shift, right folks? The script comes courtesy of horror writer Grady Hendrix, which also gives us hope that his last book My Best Friend’s Exorcism will receive the dynamite movie adaptation it rightfully deserves soon.
Since we’ve now got pizza and weirdness on our mind in excitement over this wonderful news, we decided it was time to rank our eight favorite weirdest pizza moments in movie history. Grab a slice and dive in!
8. The Net (1995): Sandra Bullock orders a pizza (gasp!) online
In a scene stacked full of technological wonder designed to make 90s audiences marvel at the capabilities of computers – you can make a screen look like a roaring fire! – Angela (Bullock) orders a pizza via the internet.
The moment likely drew a collective gasp from audiences in theaters across America but today it’s adorably dated. For instance, why does she seem to have a seperate computer solely dedicated to her pizza orders? And why is she ordering from a website called pizza.net? Come on Sandy, that sounds sketchy as fuck.
7. Saturday Night Fever (1977): Tony’s pizza strut
The opening shot of John Badham’s disco classic shows Tony (John Travolta) ordering two slices of pie and eating them with the distinct swagger of a man with a mouth full of heaven. It’s a relatable moment for anyone who feels sexy while stuffing a slice into their mouth and aren’t afraid to show it, but it remains an odd choice of opening for the film.
6. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990): Delivering pizza to a sewer
It isn’t so much the act of seeing a delivery driver happily dropping off a pizza to a sewer with little or no concern that bothers us. It’s the fact that the Turtles are so tight with their money they dock his pay by two dollars because he’s two minutes late.
We can only hope the delivery driver got in touch with his union rep and the sewers became a no-go zone for delivery drivers across New York. See how you like ordering pizza now you mutant dickheads!
5. She’s All That (1999): Pube pizza
Remember the 90s were the beginning of an era when Johnny Knoxville (Bad Grandpa) and Steve O (Game Over, Man!) would ooze various bodily fluids and hair onto different food items and then challenge each other to eat them without spewing.
So this scene in which a sicko bully (Chris Owen) tries to force roller skating nerd Simono (Kieran Culkin) to eat a pizza with his pubes on makes total sense. Although it’s a weird and elaborate way to bully someone. Thankfully king jock Zack (Freddie Prinze Jr) forces the dude to eat his own pube pizza instead and presumably teenage girls everywhere were supposed to be swooning over it all.
4. Back to the Future Part II (1989): “You sure can hydrate a pizza!”
Thankfully 2015 has come and gone and dehydrated pizza from “The Hut” never became a thing. Granted, there’s plenty of appeal to cooking something as quickly as Lorraine (Lea Thompson) does with that pizza, but rehydrating a sad and tiny little disc to get there? You know that thing’s only going to taste like ass.
3. Spaceballs (1987): Pizza the Hut
Mel Brooks’s (Blazing Saddles) sci-fi spoof hit new heights of silliness with this extremely daft parody of Star Wars’s Jabba the Hutt. Lone Starr (Bill Pullman) and Barf (John Candy) are sufficiently disgusted by the cheesy, dripping greaseball and we’d be lying if we said he didn’t put us off pizza for at least a week after we saw this same scene as children.
2. A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988): Soul Food
There have been a lot of really terrible murder scenes in the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise and most of them originate from this movie onwards. This particular scene involves Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund) ordering a pizza with an extra special topping – the souls of teenagers!
Little faces scream out of the cheese until Freddy picks one he takes a fancy to and skewers one of his blade fingers through the dude’s “meatball” head and proceeds to eat him. Cos the guy’s a meatball, get it?! Yeah, it’s not great.
1. House IV (1992): “I’m ya pizza man!”
If you don’t remember and revere this seminal masterpiece, we feel bad for you and we’re not sure we can be your friend anymore. In one of the greatest scenes from the House franchise, poor old Kelly (Terri Trea) comments that she’s feeling “a lot less crazy now” before encountering 18 inches’ worth of insanity.
On top of a strange singing delivering man (just take the money and leave the pizza, dude!), the pizza is also ruined by some manner of supernatural possession. Oh, and anchovies.