The Film Daily ‘Shadowhunters’ spinoff: ‘The Real Housewives of Idris’
The fight to #SaveShadowhunters is relentless, and we are still here! We’re fighting hard, but sometimes it makes us all a little crazy . . . alternate universe kind of cray-cray.
Remember when Magnus (Harry Shum Jr.) suggests that Clary (Katherine McNamara) is acting as if she were in an episode of The Real Housewives of Idris? Today we plot out the storyline for a S4 alternate universe episode of Shadowhunters that centers around this very notion! Nothing is the way it’s supposed to be, everyone is dating the wrong person, and our beloved Shadowhunters are not in their right minds.
Come with us while we delve into an episode of The Real Housewives of Idris, alternate-universe style!
Magnus & Valentine
Magnus Bane, son of Greater Demon Asmodeus (Jack Yang), has spent hundreds of years trying to resist the temptations of the dark magic born inside him. After the love of his life Catarina Loss (Sofia Walker) tragically died in a freak magical mishap, Magnus was so destroyed by the pain that accompanied her loss that he gave into his dark tendencies.
Enter Valentine Morgenstern (Alan van Sprang): corrupt and evil former Shadowhunter. The two met an an occult meeting in Brooklyn three years ago and have been dating ever since. Magnus runs a profitable black market potion business that services the dark underbelly of Idris, while Valentine stays home to look after the herd of cats the two have adopted.
Valentine very much enjoys being a kept man and revels in the perks that come with being the significant other of someone as powerful as Magnus. They live in the most ostentatious house in Idris, much to the disgust of the Clave.
While Magnus enjoys the companionship that Valentine provides, he knows deep down it’s more a union of convenience for him. For Magnus, being with Valentine is better than being alone. Valentine is so drunk on Magnus’s power that he can’t see straight (pun completely intended).
Much to Beta Valentine’s chagrin, Magnus spends most of his free time figuring out what kind of trouble he can get into to catch the attention of Inquisitor Lightwood (Matthew Daddario) without actually breaking the law.
The warlock is captivated by the tall, dark and handsome Shadowhunter and spends a good amount of time visualizing what he would do to him if they were ever locked in a cell together. Maybe getting arrested isn’t such a bad idea, after all.
Alec & Clary
Inquisitor Lightwood couldn’t be more bored and tired with his life. As the only male Lightwood offspring of Robert (Paulino Nunes) and Maryse (Nicola Correia-Damude), becoming the Inquisitor was an inevitability Alec didn’t even try to fight.
Alec fudged his way through Shadowhunter Academy and his parents bribed Jace (Dominic Sherwood) to take his final exams for him, because everyone knew Alec could care less. Honoring the line of succession was important to the Lightwoods though, even if it meant having an unqualified Inquisitor running the show.
Fortunately for him, Alec’s bride-to-be Clary Fairchild is exceptionally qualified for the job. She handles his diplomatic responsibilities for him while kicks back and claims all the glory.
Selfish & indulgent Alec shows up to the office to keep up appearances occasionally, but mostly he can be found sipping margaritas and eating brie and crackers poolside while Clary handles business.
Power-hungry Clary tolerates Alec for the diplomatic position he affords her. The redhead is the first to admit she doesn’t love Alec, but then again, who could? She feels fortunate Alec doesn’t seem to mind satisfying his personal needs elsewhere, and she never has to worry about fending off unwanted advances from him. Yuck.
Little does Alec know that Clary is about to get them into a world of trouble. She’s using his position at the Clave to spearhead a secret mission to rob the warlocks of their immortality and steal it for the Shadowhunters themselves.
Naughty Clary, what an abuse of power that is. Will Inquisitor Lightwood care enough to stop her, or will he join her on this evil mission? If the man puts down the cocktails for just a second, we might be quite surprised.
Jace & Simon
Jace never thought it was possible to love someone as much as he loves Simon (Alberto Rosende). How did he get so lucky? Simon found a terrified Jace cowering behind a dumpster after his first attempted solo hunt several years ago.
Although he was an excellent student at the Shadowhunter Academy, Jace is a terrible fighter, and really has no business attempting to fight demons. On this particular hunt, Jace was sent into the field alone, and when he came face-to-face with a simple little Shax demon, he panicked and hid behind the bin.
Simon, who happened to be walking past about an hour later, heard Jace’s anxious, panicked breathing and stopped to help. The vampire took the young Shadowhunter home, gave him tea and chocolate, and the two stayed up talking all night. They have been tied at the hip ever since.
Jace, clearly unable to fight demons and fulfill his Shadowhunter duties, is shunned by the Clave and his fellow Shadowhunters. As a result, he develops chronic anxiety and is unable to work. Simon supports them both and Jace fills his days painting or sculpting abstract fruits & vegetables.
Simon loves Jace dearly and can’t imagine his life without him. While they aren’t perfect and they do have their ups & downs, Simon couldn’t ask for a more loving partner. The Daylighter would give anything to take away Jace’s anxiety so his boyfriend could lead a more normal life.
Simon wonders if the dark warlock who lives up the street could help concoct something to help with this. Against his better judgement, he decides to pay Magnus Bane a visit. He’s surprised to find Inquisitor Lightwood exiting the front door as Simon arrives at the warlock’s residence.
The Inquisitor clears his throat as he passes the vampire, but offers no explanation. Simon knows better than to question the diplomat and simply nods his head politely as they pass each other.
Luke & Izzy
Luke (Isaiah Mustafa) and Isabelle (Emeraude Toubia) are Idris’s biggest scandal in a very long time. Twice her age and a werewolf, Luke is not the most ideal partner for Isabelle Lightwood. At least, not according to her parents, Robert & Maryse.
Isabelle couldn’t be more different from her brother. Refusing to accept the Shadowhunter responsibilities that come with the Lightwood name, Isabelle rebels and denounces the Clave as soon as she comes of age.
Isabelle turns up at Taki’s asking for a job, and Luke, who knows nothing about running a business, gratefully accepts the help. Turns out, Isabelle has a knack for business and turns things around in record time. Taki’s becomes the most popular restaurant in all of Idris and they’re booked out for months in advance.
Without even realizing it, Luke and Isabelle have fallen madly in love while running the business. Clary tries to run interference and is mortified that her potential stepmother is the same age as she. Alec could care less with whom his sister sleeps, but takes particular delight in watching Clary squirm.
Maryse, positively mortified by her daughter’s life choices, teams up with Clary and the pair concoct a plan to sway Luke’s attention. Maryse is convinced that with the right pair of heels and the right amount of vodka, swaying the attention of any man is possible, even her own daughter’s boyfriend.
Clary thinks that if she can prove to Isabelle Luke is a cheater, Isabelle will break up with Luke, and Clary will be saved the diplomatic embarrassment. Little does Clary know that Luke & Izzy are coming to dinner on Sunday night to announce the arrival of their first child.
Shadowhunters having part-Downworlder babies. What a scandal!
Will Clary and Maryse succeed in their evil ploy, or will Luke and Isabelle get their happily ever after?
Can Magnus & Alec keep their clandestine affair a secret in the crisp yet rumor-filled air of bitchy Idris?
We’re not so certain we’d like to live in Alternate Universe Idris, but we sure are entertained by its melodramatic chaos.