‘Shadowhunters’: ‘The Real Housewives of Idris’, pt. 2
We’re losing our minds in the fight to #SaveShadowhunters & it’s making us do all kinds of crazy things. In all the insanity, we decided to go back to Idris this week to check out the shenanigans playing out in our very own wacky alternate universe. In case you missed our first episode of The Real Housewives of Idris, click here.
In a nutshell, Magnus (Harry Shum Jr.) has gone dark, shacking up with Valentine (Alan van Sprang); Alec (Matthew Daddario) is an alcoholic and marrying Clary (Katherine McNamara) out of sheer diplomatic convenience; and Izzy (Emeraude Tobia) gives the Clave the middle finger & defects. Drama, drama, drama.
Luke (Isaiah Mustafa) & Izzy have a scandalous love affair and Maryse (Nicola Correia-Damude) couldn’t be more disgusted that her Shadowhunter daughter is dating a Downworlder old enough to be her father. Meanwhile, Jace (Dominic Sherwood) & Simon (Alberto Rosende) are madly in love – romantic love. Jace is the worst Shadowhunter the Clave has ever seen and is excommunicated from the magical realm.
Join us as we portal back to Idris to check on our beloved loony alternate universe Shadowhunters and Downworlders.
What you missed at Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving dinner at the Lightwood household is quite the spectacle this year. It was supposed to be an elegant affair with multiple diplomats from the Clave in attendance, but thankfully that part of Maryse’s plans fell through. Her children, the disappointing storm surges that they are, bring new levels of chaos with them to the dinner table this year.
Alec & Clary arrive first, clearly in the middle of a fight. Again. Clary mumbles something under her breath about Alec keeping it in his pants in the public eye as she pushes past him into the dining room, heading straight for the wine. Whatever could she be referring to? Alec, already two-and-three-quarters sheets to the wind, snorts sarcastically & stumbles out to the pool house where the good liquor is stashed.
Isabelle & Luke arrive soon after, though it’s a miracle they’ve come at all. Since Isabelle turned her back on the Clave, Maryse’s relationship with her daughter has been fraught with tension. Isabelle usually avoids family get-togethers entirely.
Maryse doesn’t have to wait long to find out the reason for her daughter’s attendance: as as soon as everyone sits down at the table, Isabelle announces that she’s carrying her werewolf lover’s baby. Maryse gasps, absolutely disgusted. A Lightwood producing mixed-race offspring? The shame!
Alec, clearly amused by the scandal, laughs obnoxiously as Maryse storms away from the table. Clary swats Alec’s arm aggressively as she narrows her eyes at Luke – her adoptive father – and wonders how he could do this to them. Yelling ensues moments later and the remainder of the Lightwoods end up storming away from the table too – except Alec, too drunk to care about anything, as usual.
Jace Herondale is not feeling well. Unable to keep food or water down for days now, Simon can’t help but be worried about his blond boyfriend. They visit a number of mundane doctors who chalk his illness up to mere stomach flu, but Simon knows better. The tips of Jace’s ears are turning green, his toenails have all fallen off, and his hair is falling out. This is no mundane illness.
Simon isn’t well versed in Shadowhunter illnesses; unfortunately, Google isn’t helping, either. Each time Simon mentions asking the Clave for help, his boyfriend refuses outright. However, when Jace vomits a purple substance all over their couch, Simon decides he won’t take no for an answer. The two set off for Clave headquarters, hoping to find help.
In a shocking coincidence, Inquisitor Lightwood happens to be in the building, walking past the entrance when Simon & Jace approach. The Inquisitor initially protests the presence of the excommunicated Shadowhunter, but when Jace lurches forward and vomits chunky purple goo all over the hallway, Alec takes pause.
Upon closer inspection, Alec notices that Jace is in pretty bad shape, suspecting dark magic is occupying Jace’s soul. Knowing the Clave doesn’t have the means to help Jace on the premises, Alec suggests they pay good ol’ Magnus Bane a visit. Alec offers to escort the couple, because, you know, something could happen to them on the way. How charitable of the Inquisitor.
Secret alliances & homewrecking traitors
Meanwhile, Clary & Maryse are up to no good. They’re currently holed up in the parking lot of Takis, staking out the restaurant in a very conspicuous black SUV. In the back are two suitcases of surveillance equipment meant for the men’s restroom, once Luke leaves for lunch.
Clary questions Maryse & suggests they roleplay her plan for cornering and seducing Luke later that day. Clary knows that if they’re unsuccessful & word gets out that they tried to set Luke up, it would not look favorable for someone of her diplomatic position. Appearances matter to Clary.
Maryse declines Clary’s suggestion, assuring her this isn’t her first rodeo. According to Maryse, luring men like Luke into the doghouse is no big deal. Clary notices the “Closed” sign flick on over the front door and a moment later Luke & Isabelle exit the back door for their afternoon break. Maryse & Clary mobilize, knowing their time is limited, heading for the bathroom window.
Never mess with a temperamental warlock
Inquisitor Lightwood and his two companions arrive to quite a scene at the residence of Magnus Bane. Valentine & Magnus are standing on the front lawn with a mountain of clothing between them. They’re yelling back and forth about something Alec doesn’t quite understand, while Magnus uses his magic to turn the clothing pile into something of a tornado.
Valentine, jumping up and down, shouts obscenities at Magnus as he tries to grab his clothing from the growing tornado. Magnus suddenly seems uninterested though, noticing they have guests. Simon & Jace approach with caution, while Alec simply stands there, eyebrow curiously raised.
Alec’s eyes meet Magnus’s and the Inquisitor coughs lightly, shifting on his feet. Magnus smirks at Alec and, without breaking eye contact, snaps two fingers quickly. His magic subsides, bringing the clothing tornado to a screeching halt. Valentine lets out a dissatisfied grunt as he falls to the ground underneath the descending clothing pile.
This is not the first visit the Inquisitor has paid the warlock recently, but Magnus thinks it’s quite bold of him to show up with companions, especially while Valentine is home. Magnus simply stands in front of his guests, his eyes dancing between the three of them, glimmering with possibility.
After way too many moments of uncomfortable silence, Magnus sighs and explains that he caught Valentine texting something in code to his estranged daughter, Clary. When Magnus asked him to explain what was going on, Valentine refused. Magnus, not being the most patient of warlocks, lost his temper and now all his partner’s clothes are on the front lawn.
Alec, who has no idea that Valentine & Clary are back on speaking terms, is about to ask how that happened – but he is rudely interrupted by a convulsing Jace. The ridiculously ill Shadowhunter falls forward, vomiting massive amounts of purple chunky goo all over Magnus’s Gucci shoes. Magnus, disgusted, peeved, and already in a fowl mood, violently lurches at the puking Shadowhunter, invoking chaos.
Will Maryse & Clary be successful at Operation Seduce Luke, or will they be caught red-handed, exposing their manipulative true colors for all to see? What’s going on with Magnus & the Inquisitor, and why does it seem like they know each other on a more personal level than they should? And for the love of the Angel, what could Valentine & Clary possibly be texting about, in code nonetheless?
Finally, what in Idris is happening to Jace? Will Magnus be able to fix him? More to the point, will he want to? He is the darkest Warlock in all Alicante, after all. Find out the answers to these questions & more in next week’s installment of The Real Housewives of Idris.
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