What nonsense movies could Marvel possibly have planned until 2025?
Let it be known that we’re partial to a good superhero movie. Assemble a group of strong, muscular men and women in form-fitting ensembles and we’ll be there with our popcorn and lascivious eyes to watch them beat up baddies and serve up one-liners.
Depending on whether you loved or loathed Marvel’s Avengers: Endgame (and we know a lot of fans who share both opinions), Marvel’s plans for movies up until 2025 either make you pumped, or feel like the last vestiges of your love for the studio is being smashed through a brick wall by the Hulk.Marvel Studios head Kevin Feige revealed he’s been having meetings about new movies for release way down the line to AP. “We’re always thinking ahead. Just when people think they can pin us down, we go somewhere else and that’s going to happen again after Infinity War in the build-up to the next Avengers film. And we had meetings earlier today about 2024 and 2025.” Obviously, this is nothing new for the studio that keeps fans invested in its output by plotting movies years in advance.
It makes sense for such an ever-broadening extended universe to keep on truckin’ with new stories, characters, and adventures to join the hubbub, but we also can’t help but worry about Marvel Studios eventually running out of steam. Or worse, not running out of steam.
Will Marvel just keep churning out movies for the rest of time? At this stage, their movie output is so ferocious it could probably continue to live on long after an apocalypse when nothing but a few cockroaches, Keith Richards, and the cryogenically thawed body of Walt Disney will be the only audience members left to witness Marvel’s next phase.
So what movies could they possibly have planned up until 2025? We have a few ideas.
At least five more Spider-Man reboots
We asked a leading mathematician* to verify the super complex calculations on this and they assured us that the rate at which Spider-Man has been rebooted over the past sixteen years has steadily increased to the point where five new iterations of the web slinger in seven years isn’t out of the question.
The Avengers: Ikea shop
After kicking ass for way too many movies and deciding the Avengers HQ could do with some minimalistic Scandinavian design, the gang take a shopping trip and later on are tasked their with biggest foe yet: assembling flat-pack furniture.
That all-female Marvel movie (which will feel long overdue by the time it comes out)
There’s been plenty of talk of all the badass female superheroes in the Marvel universe uniting for their own standalone movie and lord knows we look forward to heaps of money being thrown at it whenever it does happen. But to have to wait until 2025 for it? Almost twenty years after Iron Man was released and kick started the whole franchise?! Better late than never we guess, but jeez – way to insult half of your audience with this level of tardiness.
Disney-X: Princesses in Arms
Now that Disney owns Marvel Studios (and nearly the entire planet at this point), it makes sense that at some point Cinderella, Belle, Jasmine, Snow White, Aurora, and Ariel might have to get mutated in some way, develop some superpowers, and protect their kingdoms by suiting up and kicking ass. If anyone from the studios is paying attention, we’d also pay a lot of money to watch this nonsense. At least five dollars!
Thor and Hulk go to White Castle
Look, we just want a stoner movie between The Hulk (Mark Ruffalo) and Thor (Chris Hemsworth) to happen, okay? Is that so much to ask Mr. Feige?
*No leading mathematicians were consulted in the making of this article. Sorry.