How did Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson’s relationship crash and burn?

Finger tattoos, narcissism, and a stolen sex tape are just some clues into the wild romance of Tommy Lee & Pamela Anderson. In the 1990s the couple was famous for their intermittent rollercoaster relationship.

Both Lee & Anderson’s highly sexualized personas made for interesting media coverage and gossip. Most famously, their leaked vacation sex tape publicly showed the couple madly in love. Yet, the exoticism and fascination Tommy Lee & Pamela Anderson shared for each other quickly diminished just a few years after they married. What was the couple’s ultimate demise?

Playboy Playmate & Mötley Crüe drummer fall in love

Tommy Lee was an eccentric drummer from Mötley Crüe – notorious for drug binges, groupie indulgence, and manic behavior. Anderson was a Playboy bunny making her name as a model and a Baywatch babe with appearances on Home Improvement.

Tommy Lee & Pam Anderson never met despite running within similar social circles. Sparks flew upon their initial meeting on New Year’s Eve 1994 at Hollywood’s Sanctuary Club. The chemistry between the two was instantaneous and lustful, to say the least.   

According to an interview with Movieline in 1995, Anderson described her introduction to the “love of her life” Tommy Lee. “He came up, grabbed me, and licked my face. I thought he was a cool, friendly, nice guy. I gave him my number.”

Lee called Anderson incessantly until she finally gave in and answered her phone. They chatted for a bit and decided to make plans to meet again in person. Unfortunately, Anderson had plans to work a photoshoot in Cancun, Mexico which delayed their plans for a second meeting. 

Although Anderson told Lee not to follow her to Mexico, the drummer ignored the request. Six weeks after New Years, they reconnected for the second time at the Ritz-Carlton hotel in Mexico.

Finger tattoos, wedding bells, and controversy 

The amorous couple’s chemistry was insatiable and after just a few days of dating, Lee proposed. Pam Anderson said yes to the proposal and they decided to get married barefoot on the shore on February 19th, 1995. 

The spontaneous marriage was a casual ceremony that included tattoos of each other’s names on their ring fingers instead of wedding rings. Tommy Lee admits that many people didn’t have faith the relationship would last. 

According to Bustle, “Though Lee writes that he and Anderson were ‘so f*cking happy,’ he also admits that ‘nobody thought it would work, but it did for a while. During their time together, the pair was inundated with controversy and heartbreak.” 

Stolen vacation sex tape 

One of the first controversy the couple was faced with was a stolen sex tape. When the newlyweds moved to their Malibu home, they lived a luxurious and fast lifestyle. Their daily antics were often witnessed by electrician, Rand Gauthier, who worked for the Lees until he was abruptly fired. 

Lee fired several workers claiming they did a “shoddy” job, the couple refused to pay Gauthier $20,000 for work he completed in their home. When Gauthier returned to Lee’s residence to pick up his tools, he was met with an angry drummer holding a gun to his face. 

Heated by the encounter, Gauthier made a plan to steal from a safe spot in the Malibu home known to contain money & jewelry. To his surprise, he also found one of the most famous sex tapes to date. 

Music magazine calls “the most infamous stolen celebrity artifact on the planet, with a wink usually accompanying the word ‘stolen.’”Anderson clarified in 2020 on Watch What Happens Life with Andy Cohen, “That was not a sex tape. That was a compilation of vacations that we were naked on.” 

Tommy Lee is jealous of his own children. 

Tommy Lee & Pam Anderson had two children together, Brandon Thomas Lee in 1995 and Dylan Jagger Lee in 1997. After their children were born Lee & Anderson encountered turbulence in the relationship. 

In an interview with the Post, Lee admitted he grew jealous of his own sons, “When Dylan was born, I dropped down to No. 3.” The rock star was used to Anderson’s constant attention and now that she was a mother, her focus was encompassed by her young boys. 

Lee’s jealousy grew so intense that Anderson suffered domestic violence at the hands of the Mötley Crüe drummer while holding infant Dylan. Anderson was struck in her backside and was left with red marks. The Baywatch actress/model filed for divorce just a few days later and took her boys with her. Lee was thrown into jail for six months for felony spousal abuse. 

Although the couple reunited several times years later (once in 2008 and another in 2018) the relationship never lasted. Lee had quarrels with his own sons turning the relationship sour. 

In a blog post titled, Alcoholism is the Devil, Anderson states “Nobody understands the lifetime of disappointment this man has brought to our family . . . [he is] Jealous of his sons’ talent and beauty from the day they were born. He is sick. The definition of narcissist/sociopath.”

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How did Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson’s relationship crash and burn? Tommy Lee & Pam Anderson’s relationship ended not because of a sexy vacation sex tape but for darker factors  leading to their divorce. Anderson is now on her fifth marriage, having tied the knot with bodyguard Dan Hayhurst. Lee is on his fourth, with social media celebrity Brittany Furlan, who he married on Valentine’s Day 2019.