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'Big Little Lies' has the snippiest and saltiest roasts. Let’s see why the Monterey Five can give even 'Riverdale’'s Cheryl Blossom a run for her money.

‘Big Little Lies’ S2E1: The saltiest roasts from the Monterey Five

The Monterey Five are finally back – and with a vengeance. HBO’s Big Little Lies has returned to our screens and it’s as good as ever. We knew going into this season it was gonna be messy, as the five women had to toil with Perry’s (Alexander Skarsgård) death and the investigation around it.

We could dive into so much with this episode, notably the looming figure of Perry’s mother, Mary Louise Wright (god bless the addition of Meryl Streep) – who wants answers to the exact details of Renata’s (Laura Dern) summer vacation from Otter Bay Elementary.

But most importantly, Big Little Lies has some of the snippiest and saltiest roasts, even better than any of those real housewives shows. So let’s shine a light on ‘em to see why the Monterey Five can give even Riverdale’s Cheryl Blossom a run for her money like the online sites or

“When I was in boarding school, I had a best friend – or so I thought – who revealed herself to be quite treacherous and caused me a lot of pain. She was just an itty-bitty little thing with a big, bubbly personality that was designed to hide that she was utterly vapid inside. You remind me so much of her.”
—Mary Louise (Meryl Streep) to Madeline (Reese Witherspoon)

I’m going to try my hardest to not turn this into an article about Mary Louise, but it’s hard because she’s definitely got all the reading skills. (We’re betting she’d win the next season of RuPaul’s Drag Race if she entered.) She’s a mother who wants justice for her (evil & abusive) baby boy, and she’ll sass anyone and everyone to get answers.

Mary Louise, you’ve got a wicked tongue, girl!

“Did you see Renata getting up that new teacher’s ass? I thought she was gonna have to pull out her snorkel.”
—Madeline (Reese Witherspoon) talking about Renata (Laura Dern)

Renata has good reason to be worried about her baby girl Amabella after all the abuse she suffered last season at the hands of Celeste ( Nicole Kidman) and Perry’s (Alexander Skarsgård) son Max. But seeing her harass her new teacher on the first day of school? Well that’s just the definition of helicopter parenting.

“You’re very short.  I don’t mean it in a negative way . . . . Maybe I do. I just find little people to be untrustworthy.”
—Mary Louise to Madeline

Mary Louise is really out for blood with Madeline. Is Madeline number one on her suspects’ list? But you know Madeline’s definitely got some skeletons in her closet that could hurt people if they got loose.

“That’s exactly why you’re going – because you will have no life!”
—Madeline to Abigail (Kathryn Newton)

Burn, bitch.

“I can’t complain. Actually I can – my son is dead.”
—Mary Louise to Madeline

We said it once and we’ll say it again. Reese Witherspoon & Meryl Streep together on screen is a blessing. You have two sass masters who keep going back & forth at each other trying to put the other in her place. This is just one set point of verbal tennis between two queens of salt, and we can’t wait for them to keep serving it up like online casino free spins.

“Maybe you can give one to Warren, so he can shove it too.”
—Madeline to Melissa (Gia Carides), about Principal Nippal

Madeline has always been the quickest to speak her mind when someone annoys her, so she has no problem telling off Principal Nippal after he insinuates she had something to do with Perry’s death. You go, girl!

“My grief is too loud for you, Celeste?”
—Mary Louise to Celeste (Nicole Kidman)

Meryl Streep’s dinner table shaking scream is what sent Twitter ablaze during the season premiere last weekend, so we’ll end with this. ‘Nuf said.

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