Bloodlust: On-screen vampires we’re dying to neck
While some portrayals of vampiric night stalkers might not have ignited the horn (we’re looking at you, Nosferatu), over the past few decades pop culture has given us some of the hottest cold-blooded killers we could have ever asked for.
To show our appreciation, we’re rolling with these erotic feels by highlighting the movie vampires that are hornier than they have any right to be. From old-school night dwellers to leather-bound newcomers, here’s a ranked list of the sexiest vampires we’d love to give us the toothy treatment.
Sang-hyun (Kang-ho Song)
Anyone else get off on Sang-hyun when he transforms from a devout and faithful priest to a sex-hungry, blood-thirsty vamp? Like, perhaps he was a low-key babe this whole time and it just took a pair of fangs to solidify that fact? No? Just us?
Nevermind, we’ll sit down now.
Blood for Dracula (1974)
Count Dracula (Udo Kier)
In director Paul Morrissey’s quirky companion piece to Andy Warhol’s Flesh for Frankenstein, an ailing vampire travels to Italy with his servant to quench his burgeoning bloodthirst. Udo Kier (Downsizing) as a sickly Count Dracula is all cheekbones and slicked hair and we are living for it.
Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)
Dracula (Gary Oldman)
Francis Ford Coppola’s Oscar-winning reinvention of the original Dracula story is an absolute feast of horror clichés and erotic excess. Of course we’re still living for Gary Oldman (Darkest Hour) as the young, hot, dapper Dracula. We’re not all that into the idea of boning Oldman’s pasty, old Dracula, but if you are that’s cool – no judgement here.
Playing the original bloodsucker as a sort of undead cool dude, Oldman dons tailored three pieces while showing off his acting chops with an ambiguous Central European accent. That hairline might be ludicrous (it was shaved for the role) and the wig is completely outta control, but we’d still give it a tug as he went to town on our tendons.
Near Dark (1987)
Severen (Bill Paxton)
We never thought we’d say this, but we would totally give Bill Paxton (Aliens) a go as the edgy bloodsucker Severen in Kathryn Bigelow’s small-town vampire Western. Even if he is a complete and utter psychopathic.
A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014)
The Girl (Sheila Vand)
With its black & white cinematography, charismatic cast, and a richly romantic narrative, director Ana Lily Amirpour (The Bad Batch) had us gagging for air with what’s considered to be the first ever Iranian vampire Western. What we wouldn’t give for the alluring central character known only as The Girl (Vand) to wrap those luscious lips round our necks, plunge in those teeth, and suck us dry in every sense of the word. Creature of the night, indeed!
Interview with the Vampire (1994)
Louis (Brad Pitt)
Brad Pitt (Moneyball) is without a doubt one of the highest-rating B.W.’s in movie history (that’s “blatantly would” if you’re unaware of the acronym). Throw in some fangs and a lust for blood and we’re basically frothing at the mouth – Pitt’s periodic night-dweller will forever be the vampire we’re simply dying to interview.
The Hunger (1983)
Miriam Blaylock (Catherine Deneuve)
An erotic horror? By Tony Scott (True Romance)? Starring Catherine Deneuve (8 Women), David Bowie (Labyrinth), and Susan Sarandon (The Rocky Horror Picture Show)? We don’t care if this cult classic is slightly lacking in the plot department. It’s endlessly stylish, oozes sex appeal, and we’re eternally hungry for Deneuve as the immortal vampire Miriam – an undeniable goth punk icon.
Blade (Wesley Snipes)
Don’t even try to tell us a fanged Wesley Snipes (Demolition Man) covered head-to-toe in leather while getting stab-happy with a samurai doesn’t make you hot. Don’t. Even. Try. Quite frankly, there will never be a superhero in the Marvel canon as bodaciously badass as Blade.
From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)
Santanico Pandemonium (Salma Hayek)
Before she gets all reptilian on our asses, the queen of the vampires in a Salma Hayek (Frida) suit is dangerously seductive as the snake-wielding table dancer. We’d pay good money for a private dance, even if it did mean our intestines became entrees. Bow your head, kneel, and worship at the feet of Santanico Pandemonium!
The Lost Boys (1987)
Dwayne (Billy Wirth)
Hot damn – where do we even start with this sexy bunch of human hunters? While we’re tempted to list off every fanged fiend in the film and discuss our deep desire to enjoy a blood-fuelled orgy, at risk of sounding greedy we’re going to say our heart stops for Billy Wirth (Body Snatchers) as Dwayne.
He’s an unlikely choice, but the whole long-haired, leather jacket, rock star vibe totally does it for us. Plus he enjoys one of the best deaths in the entire film. “Death by stereo!”