Crack open a cold (war) one: ‘The Americans’ Drinking Game
We are eternally bummed this current season will be its last, so to numb the pain we devised this drinking game. Who we are drinking for:
FBI Mail Robot
The Jenning’s Travel Agency
The “Americans’” KGB handlers
The KGB Rezident
And more . . .
Take a sip/glug/slurp when:
Someone undergoes a disguise change
Shady wig? Bad glasses? Terrible makeup? Start chugging.
Anyone says “the Americans”
Likely pronounced by (the) Soviets
Anti-Soviet propaganda is taught at school or on TV
Sing “The Star Spangled Banner”, goddammit.
D.C. is cold / snowy
And hopefully as frosty as your drink is.
The phone rings
It’s always in the middle of something – and never a good omen.
Someone mentions going to bed
Might as well drink, because the conversation just interrupted will never get picked up again.
Anyone wears bad 80s jeans
Easy with this one – ya girl Paige has a wardrobe loaded with ‘em.
There is a scene at the ministry
Let’s get super holy.
Pastor Tim writes in his diary
“Are you there, God? It’s me, Timmy.” The dude is such a Judy Blume character it’s unreal.
Anyone smokes weed
Blaze up, friends! This is the good Afghani stuff ℅ the Center.
Elizabeth smokes a cancer stick
extra points if you fancy blazing one up yourself (and looking super intense as you do)
Elizabeth works on a drawing
much talent, such wow
Elizabeth talks to Henry
Mom of the year?!
Elizabeth spouts anti-American / pro-Communist rhetoric
extra drink if you think all sides are wrong
Elizabeth says something particularly cruel
Putting ideology before family never made you more thirsty.
Phillip and/or Elizabeth lies to the kids
Good parenting 101.
Anyone mentions Henry or Henry appears
because he’s the only character with badass Misha genes who actually thinks he is meek Phillip’s offspring
Henry plays video games or hockey
Take a larger sip if you’re immediately filled with envy.
Henry goes to Stan’s house
Go on, have a can of coke, you crazy kid!
The travel agency is mentioned or we visit the travel agency
“Yes, hello. I’d like to book a flight to shitfaced, for departure immediately.”
There is a scene in EST or EST is mentioned
More mysterious than life after ten drinks.
Phillip does the books
Take an extra slurp if he looks super sad while doing so.
Phillip develops photos
Why is this so adorable? It’s adorable.
Phillip puts his cowboy boots on and/or goes line-dancing
Yeehaw! AMERICA! Miller High Life!
Phillip pulls a legendary sad face
Oh shit – go easy on this one or you’ll be hammered within five minutes.
Stan & Phillip have a beer
Really go to town on your drink if it happens to be a Miller High Life. Actually, unless it’s Stan & Phillip, NO DRINKS while any other characters are drinking – this ain’t no comedy, people.
Phillip lies to Stan
The sourest drink of them all.
Stan’s facial tick emerges
Keep an eye on the left side of the agent’s face to inspire your “drinking tick”.
Matthew appears or is mentioned
Also: do an air guitar solo.
If she’s wearing neon, spandex, or leg warmers, get up and do a star jump. If she’s wearing a power suit, look miserable af.
The FBI’s mail robot is mentioned
That mail robot is legit too pure for this world.
Said mail robot appears
Hold a hand to your heart and raise a glass to that goddamn hero while you’re at it.
People go into the FBI “vault”
Drink all those secrets in, folks.
Stan does something illegal
Such a rebel.
KGB or FBI agents get a new assignment
Spy Basics 101
KGB agents get a new handler
Take an extra large glug if you immediately hate him/her.
We meet a new KGB agent
Now it’s a party!
A honeypot scheme is underway
always ends well
Someone has sex in the line of duty
particularly awesome – and oddly professional
A character goes to a lock-up
Be stealthy; don’t slurp.
Someone holds a flashlight in their mouth
Don’t swallow your drink until they’re holding that damn thing with their actual hands.
When there’s a bug (we know about) in the scene
Drink that tension down.
Someone plants a bug
Climb behind the couch and take a discreet clandestine sip, you stealthy bastard.
Anyone goes into the Jennings’ basement
a.k.a. official spy business
Anyone deciphers a code
Salute that Nancy Drew motherfucker!
Anyone uses a fake ID to access anything
Hold up – you are over 21 and legitimately who you say you are, right? Good, cool. Just checking. Not paranoid at all.
Someone goes to a safe house
Also: go to your own “safe house” and stock up on supplies (the fridge for more beer).
Someone stays at a motel
Refill the ice bucket.
Any character changes cars
unnecessary – yet thrilling
Anyone goes to a dead drop
Shit is about to go down.
The Rezident appears
Be on your best behavior, comrades.
There is a flashback to the USSR
on your feet in respect for the “home country”, comrade
Anyone speaks Russian
Definitely don’t do that Russian impression everyone is sick of (unless you’re alone, in which case go to town, buddy); extra sip if it’s Keri Russell butchering her own name.
Anyone mentions Nina
polite swigs if pre-death; gigantic glugs if post-
Splash some of your drink on your face in solidarity.
Martha mentions children
Martha is in Russia
nervous swigging only, please
Someone is locked in a car trunk
Drink long and hard if terrible things are most definitely going to happen to them.
Pour one out for your fallen crony.
Elizabeth kills someone
Make that a badass sip, ladies & gentlemen.
Phillip kills someone
sad face mandatory during gulp
Someone is poisoned
LOL – fucking amateurs
Someone disposes of a body
Dispose of your empties.