‘Westworld’ jumped the shark: These boring season 3 quotes are proof

Watching the third season of HBO’s Westworld is much like watching someone run over a Roomba with a monster truck. All of that machinery, all that potential, is crushed in less than a second, resulting in a pathetic mess incapable of salvaging. 

It was bad. It was boring and it was bad and it has almost motivated us to turn off our televisions to go learn a marketable skill (almost).

Westworld season 1 was literally the only good thing to happen during 2016. Then season 2 happened, and we accepted it, because season 1 was so good.

And we were rewarded for our loyalty with season 3.

WTF did we just watch

There is one common rule when it comes to television: it can be bad, or it can be good, but it must never be boring.

Westworld season 3 bored us to pieces. 

The episode descriptions sounded epic; alliances were formed, relationships were tested, and we were thrilled at the major changes revealed at the start of the season. But the momentum has been lost, and all that remains are these semi-sentient toasters running around the real world and contemplating whether murder is wrong.  

Here are the worst quotes to come out of this season, showcasing just why this year has continued to disappoint us.

“I was angry at first. Torn between two impulses. We can annihilate them, or we can tear down their world in the hopes we can build a new one. One that’s truly free,”
—Dolores

Dolores (Evan Rachel Wood) was a tragic character from the very beginning: trapped at the center of the maze and the center of Westworld. As an actor, she has been incredible to watch. Never before have we wanted a robot to murder us, but we would be down for it if it would allow us to be in Wood’s presence. 

Dolores was painted as a villain for much of the third season, which is surprising but fits her character arc. After spending lifetimes facing abuse after abuse from park visitors, we would completely forgive Dolores for turning into the T-Rex from Jurassic Park and just murdering everyone. 

However, by the end of the third season, we learned that she has sacrificed herself to save humanity. This would be very powerful and moving, undoubtedly, if we could follow the timeline or the plot or the characters. 

The pivot to Dolores as a villain made sense, and we accepted it. Then we found out Dolores had a football team worth of copies carrying out her bidding. And we were like, “okay . . . ” Then we learned Dolores had been doing all of this to save humanity; the same humanity that made her life in the park a literal hell. And that’s the point when we tried to throw our televisions out the window, but failed because we lack upper body strength. 

“There is ugliness in this world. Disarray. I choose to see the beauty,”
—Dolores

Dolores! They used you as a literal assault/murder machine! You were treated as the least-respected person in Grand Theft Auto, and we have no idea why you are gunning for people so hard. Every moment of beauty Dolores experienced in the park was calculated; created to give some filthy rich park-goers a picturesque setting to play out The Most Dangerous Game-style fantasy.

It makes absolutely no sense for her to give up that mission of vengeance for one of peaceful acceptance. This is not to say we would not understand her putting down her arms (after losing her arm) in the end, but even when she was in the real world she had to deal with the violent machinations of people who did not respect her. 

Dolores’s story was not yet over, and her bland acceptance at the end of season 3 felt flat and unfinished. 

“Our history is like the ravings of a lunatic. Chaos. But we’ve changed that. For the first time, history has an author,”
—Engerraund Serac

Engerraund Serac (Vincent Cassel) is like that one kid in your college freshman philosophy class who has opinions.

And you are forced to listen to them. 

He had another similar quote, with episode four, “The Mother of Exiles,” with “Humanity’s biggest threat has always been itself.” Like, yes, thank you, Engerraund, for your hot take on why humanity is a metaphorical dumpster fire stinking up the rest of the world.

Maybe history has been chaotic because rich, horrible men have treated Mother Earth with the same disdain as that little boy in The Giving Tree? Maybe Engerraund could hold those people accountable instead?

“Humans created the idea of heaven and hell to cow simple-minded people into compliance. They are lies,”
—Serac

What Fight Club-esque bullsh!* is this. Engerraund is like if Elon Musk was a college lit professor. We appreciate the Man in Black (Ed Harris), because he is a villain with a very clear goal and purpose. That goal is to shoot robots in the chest with abandon. It is an understandable goal, and we like to see him do this.

Engerraund is a villain from one of the lesser James Bond films: he has you tied up in his underground lair with sharks swimming below your feet as he drones on and on about how he is going to save humanity from itself.

“This is the new world, and in this world, you can be whoever the fuck you want,”
—Maeve

We love Maeve (Thandie Newton). But we’re so tired of this quote.

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