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Forget "Florida Man". It's time for "Florida Woman" to shine! Grab some sanitizer and pick apart the weird, sleazy story of Amy Poehler's lookalike.

Is actress Amy Poehler a Florida Woman? Uncover this strange conspiracy

You know you’re in for a wild time whenever you click on a headline featuring Florida in any way. “Florida man lets dog walk him.” “Florida woman accidentally shoots her brother’s pinky.” “Florida stripper looks like Amy Poehler.” Wait . . . what? And that stripper squirted who with what? No wonder Amy Poehler started trending on Twitter.

Okay, let’s take a moment and gather ourselves. First of all, as most of you rascals already knew despite your online trolling, Amy Poehler does not lead a secret life as a Florida stripper. Now, does Amy Poehler have a Florida lookalike, and is that woman a stripper who got in serious trouble with the police? The answers to those questions are a little more complicated.

Not quite The Onion

Amy Poehler has World News Daily Report to thank for the sudden surge in her online popularity. The satirical website could be described as a raunchier version of The Onion – if people tended to take articles from The Onion as real news more often than they usually do. 

The Florida woman story in question is actually a World News Daily Report piece from August 18th, 2020 – a piece most of us probably missed at the time because we were busy losing our minds over the neverending COVID-19 threat. The fake report tells the tale of a Florida stripper who was “arrested for squirting vaginal fluids at police officers in self-defense.” And yes, dear readers, she looks a lot like Amy Poehler.

To date, the story seems to have been shared 403,000 times on Facebook, according to the World News Daily Report website. It’s possible nobody noticed the Florida woman’s resemblance to Amy Poehler at first because they were distracted by the graphic description of the stripper’s misdeeds. Now that we’ve survived 2020, we are jaded enough to look past those details and focus on the article’s photos.

Texas woman

Now, here’s where Florida, for once, gets off the hook. While the World News Daily Report’s satirical piece claimed the stripper in its story was a Florida woman, the actual woman in the picture is from Texas. She is a stripper, mind you, and she was indeed arrested at one point – although not for squirting vaginal fluids to anyone. Or at least not for doing it to a police officer.

As reported by The Smoking Gun on June 2nd, 2008, Amy Poehler’s lookalike was one of eighteen employees arrested when the police raided St. James Cabaret, a Houston strip club. The charges included prostitution and “violating the city’s strict regulations governing sexually oriented businesses.” 

The report included mugshots of fifteen of the women arrested, including the one which would end up being used by World News Daily Report on their comedic piece (where they gave the stripper the name “Britney Simmons”). So, even though Amy Poehler doesn’t have a Florida stripper doppelgänger, she does have a Texan one. That has to be a win for someone, but we’re not sure who exactly.

Strip clubs & recreation

Oh, the internet. They take these funny incidents and just run with them. First, Amy Poehler was trending on Twitter because people were tweeting about the uncanny resemblance between her and a Florida woman arrested for . . . well, you know by now. Next, Poehler continued trending as people explained what was really going on. And then she continued trending as people celebrated how funny it all was.

Doesn’t it all sound like a particularly spicy episode of Parks and Recreation? One where Leslie discovers there’s a stripper in Eagleton that looks just like her, and Tom reveals he’s known for years, and Andy reveals he always thought the stripper and Leslie were one & the same.

Anyway, just so we are all on the same page: Amy Poehler’s undercover stripping career hasn’t been discovered. But there is a stripper in Texas who was arrested over a decade ago and who looks a lot like the beloved actress. May the jokes resume.

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