Take off your shirt and raise your chalice for the ‘Riverdale’ S4 drinking game

If you ever wondered what it’s like for your brain to be chemically altered without actually doing it, just watch The CW’s Riverdale. During many times over the course of the show’s glorious four-year run, we had to wonder if someone’d poured vodka in our Cheerios. (No, we don’t mean Maze.) 

Riverdale, despite being supposedly about teens doing teen things, is no stranger to alcohol. It doesn’t matter if Archie and the gang are at a house party or a dinner, it’ll show up in some capacity at least once an episode.

With the show in its fourth season, it’s time to enhance your experience of this campy yet brilliant series with a drinking game. If you’re not a drinker, than substitute in for your La Bonne Nuit-inspired virgin drink of choice. 

Can you believe how much has happened in Riverdale?

Over the course of three seasons and a little bit into season four, a lot of stuff has happened in Riverdale. From the murder of Jason Blossom to the Black Hood to the Gargoyle King, there’s just something huge happening every moment. Take a sip every time someone references a major past event. This includes the above-mentioned main plot threads along with the Farm, Hiram Lodge, the Ghoulies.

Take a sip for every violent scene (like Archie beating up drug dealers) or implied sex scenes (characters in bed together with little clothes, etc.). As for school drama, slurp hooch whenever Riverdale goes full-on after-school special.

If a character ends up shirtless? Take a drink. If it’s Archie? Take two drinks. If one of the hot dads of Riverdale ends up shirtless, chug the rest of the glass. 

They’re in high school . . . if you can believe it.

Riverdale may forget the teens are supposed to be in high school, but we haven’t. If you see characters actually learning something in a classroom, put all drinks down – no drinking during class! Drinks are also set down if you see newest killjoy principal, Mr. Honey. Shudder.

Take a drink if anyone references college or post-high school plans. Since Stonewall Prep’s Mr. Chipping likes to keep his salons casual, quaff your aperitif for Chipping’s salons. 

Villains are straight-up everywhere.

There are a lot of bad people running around diminutive Riverdale. At the top of the list is the Man in Black himself, Hiram Lodge. Take a drink every time Hiram does something shady, like casually breaking out of jail or threatening someone. Sip twice if Hiram meances Veronica or the gang. And down the hatch with the whole shebang if Hiram fixates on Archie. 

While some parents of Riverdale have grown over the years (like F.P.) or are just awesome parents (like Mary), others are not. Drinks down if F.P. Jones or Mary Andrews is on the screen, and look away from your drink whenever Fred Andrews is referenced. Swallow swill whenever a Riverdale parents are a^&holes to their children. (Yep. You will be getting drunk. Riverdale is better drunk anyways.) 

Brett at Stonewall is Jughead’s new nemesis. He is pretty much every privileged guy that exists in the world combined into one. Taste your drink daintily every time Brett calls Jughead Forsythe. Sip for Brett’s psychological mind games. And chug it down when Jughead puts Brett in his place. 

While we’re only three episodes into season four, we’re going to presume there’ll be an overarching plot featuring its very own dark villain. Drink whenever someone mentions the Riverdale season 4 big bad. Drink whenever a main character encounters the Riverdale season 4 big bad. Take two drinks when another clue shows up regarding the Riverdale season 4 mystery. 

Finish that cocktail when you get a flash-forward to spring break.

These kids have a lot of weird after-school activities 

If Betty Cooper and Nancy Drew ever team up, the world doesn’t stand a chance. Sneak a slurp every time Betty goes sleuthing. Wrap arms with a friend and drink whenever Betty & Jughead team-up. Double your daiquiri if Betty goes into a dangerous situation alone. Kill your beer bong whenever Betty does law enforcement’s job better than they do, in a really obvious way.

Veronica runs the hottest speakeasy in Riverdale, complete with live entertainment. Take two drinks whenever there’s a musical performance – one each chorus. Take a sip if Veronica references her family’s criminal empire. 

Archie, meanwhile, appears to want to stay in Riverdale and help the town. Drink heartily every time he mentions the community center. Drink it all down if Archie remembers his former desires to be a musician, mob boss, or a boxer.

Just when you thought Riverdale couldn’t get weirder, it does.

Oh, Cheryl. We love you, but we’re worried for you, girl. Keeping your twin’s dead body around? It’s not the sign of a stable person. Take a drink every time we see or hear any reference to Jason’s dead body. Take two drinks whenever Cheryl gets the crazy eyes. Lick gently at the rim of your glass for every referenced member the Blossom family.

But slide away your bottle of beer whenever Toni tries to calm Cheryl down.

Drink a random amount whenever anything vaguely supernatural or supernatural-adjacent happens. Riverdale walks the finest line between going full-on supernatural. 

Social media, 24-hour news, and other modern comforts help make Riverdale the supercharged drama-fest it is. Take a drink if a problem could easily be solved by looking on Wikipedia or with a call to the county supervisor. Take two drinks whenever you wonder how no one outside of Riverdale knows what’s going on in this town.

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Things will always be weird in Riverdale. So knock back those drinks – and maybe the altered brain chemistry will cause everything to make sense. Somehow.