Can’t believe it’s not Florida Man! The oddest headlines from other states
Florida Man can be pretty wild, but he’s not the only person who’s being a weird perpetrator. There are kooks in other states who are acting equally as strange. Generally, news headlines are the harbingers of bad news, but every now and then you get a story that makes you laugh, even if it is a dark one.
From throwing away money to sleeping funny, these headlines and the stories that go with them from various American states are pretty insane. They might even have some Florida Man headline beat.
An unfortunate accident for Benjamin
This Oregon man wasn’t just rolling so much dough that he didn’t know what to do with it. He had stashed over $20,000 in a Vans shoebox for safe-keeping. After his wife mistook the shoebox for garbage and tossed it to the curb with the rest of the trash he will probably store stacks of Benjamins in less conspicuous places – or, you know, use a bank.
He was going to use the twenty grand, which he had gotten from selling his old travel trailer, to buy a new vehicle. Since he planned to buy this new trailer in a matter of days, he figured he’d just store it away and literally pay cash. Amazingly, he and his wife were able to track down the shoebox. They are due to pick up the money from a garbage facility in Samoa, California.
Eternal free snooze
This New Yorker found a way to cheat the system. Which system, you may ask: the mattress free trial system. Karan Bir realized if he took advantage of various free trial offers from mattress companies, he could be sleepy on quality bed real estate for free. Most people wouldn’t bother going through the effort to do something like this but often it’s not as much work as you might think.
Some companies even provide free pick-up for their rejected mattresses. Bir used his trial-return system for over a year. He’d have a mattress sent out to him, enjoy it for the trial period, and use the money-back-guarantee to ship it back once the trial period ended. Once he moved to a building with no elevator, Karan gave up using his mattress hack. He wasn’t willing to lug fresh mattresses up and down stairs every several months.
Dog poop kills
A man from Denver, Colorado named Michael Close allegedly opened fire on a couple over their dog’s poop. Most people have probably witnessed someone getting upset over the inconvenient location of dog poop, but Close reportedly took it to a whole other level.
Isabella Thallus and Darian Simon were walking their dog outside of Close’s apartment. The dog decided that a rock garden would be a good place to drop some deuces and Close was reported to have spotted them and yelled, “Are you going to train that f — ing dog or just yell at it?” Close then allegedly opened fire on them shooting twenty-four shots. Thallus was killed and Simon wounded.
Close was reported to have called his girlfriend crying after the shooting. When Close was arrested, he also cried as he apologized. According to Close’s girlfriend, Close struggles with substance abuse and was diagnosed with a personality disorder pretty recently.
The cleaning fairy
Ever heard of a burglar who only visited to do you a favor? Neither have we, but this Massachusetts intruder came in only to clean the house. 44-year-old Nate Roman and his son came home to find their door slightly ajar. When they entered, the house smelled of Bleach and other cleaning products.
As Roman carefully checked the house for intruders he found that his nose was telling him the correct story. The entire house had neatened and cleaned. His son’s room, which had been messy that morning, was in tip-top shape. The person who broke into their house even left an origami flower on the toilet dispenser. To this day, Roman doesn’t know what happened.
You’d think he learned to leave his door unlocked from now on – who doesn’t want the cleaning fairy to blow through their house? Going forward, Roman plans on double-checking if his doors are locked before he leaves the house.
They edited him right into jail
An Illinois man named Brandon W. Conti was wanted for failure to appear on a drunk driving charge. The Kankakee Sheriff’s Department posted a picture of Conti on Facebook along with other fugitives as they did every Wednesday. In the spirit of Halloween, 25-year-old Conti replied to the post asking, “Where’s my costume?”
The sheriff’s department edited Conti’s photo to include a sailor suit and hat. One police officer then posted “We held up our end of the bargain.” Conti replied that he would turn himself in “before noon” and they should “have the paperwork ready.” Who knew a little photo-doctoring could get a guy to turn himself in.