Cancel culture: All the celebrities needing quarantine cancellation

Quarantine has been a difficult & complicated experience for the entire world. We’ve made it through mind-numbing isolation (some of us have experienced things worse than boredom) and all without the help of some half-assed platitudes shoved down our throats by celebrities pushing diet pills. 

Celebrities are entitled to their opinions, as we all – sometimes unfortunately –  are. Yet during such an anxiety-inducing time as a pandemic where people are losing their lives, work is at a standstill, and domestic abuse is an ever-present threat, we don’t want to hear it. We don’t want to hear how “tough” & “relatable” celebrities’ lives are while they chat to us on Instagram live, sipping tea in an ivory tower. 

Don’t get us wrong, actors, storytellers, writers, painters, and other artists are needed more than ever in a time of turmoil. What we don’t need is $450 dollar khakis, thank you very much, Gwyneth! Take a look at some moments celebrities were buried in cancel culture. 

Gal Gadot and the tone-deafs

Here’s a classic case of not thinking before speaking. Gal Gadot brought together a group of celebrities to sing John Lennon’s famed “Imagine” to boost our spirits. Well, many found it just a smidge distasteful & condescending when they watched high-paid celebrities singing “imagine no possessions” from their mansions. 

She lives for the applause

It’s great that Priyanka Chopra Jonas wanted to show support for front-line workers fighting the virus but why did she choose such an awkward, laughable way to do it? The stunt was most likely inspired by the turnout large cities, like New York City, have every evening to celebrate the heroes who go to work each day. Maybe Priyanka just needs to tone down her flair for the dramatic a couple notches. 

Opinions are like assholes 

Sounding like the mouth-piece for a horde of angry Boomers, Elon Musk plonked down his opinion that the public’s panic about the coronavirus is “dumb”. Thank you for that opinion Elon, we hope you and your health-care will be very happy together. Meanwhile, we’re just going to figure out a way to pay our rent and not get taken out by an extremely contagious, potentially lethal disease. 

Queen of privilege 

Madonna sitting in a rose petal-sprinkled bath, wearing nothing but jewels and preaching to the public about the equalizing properties of a global pandemic is closer than even Marie Antoinette got to uttering the phrase “let them eat cake”. 

Life imitating art

Jennifer Lopez posted during quarantine a picture of her son on a beautiful compound with a sprawling, modernist mansion in the background. Now let’s see, what does that house remind us of? Could it be the mansion featured in Parasite, an Oscar-winning movie portraying the pitfalls of greed & privilege within a class divide? Yeah, that might be it. 

Relatable cancel culture content

It was a cringe-worthy moment when Ellen made that joke that quarantine is like being in jail. Maybe she just needed to be reminded that she is, in fact, riding out the quarantine in a multi-million dollar mansion while those who are incarcerated are at high-risk for coronavirus infection. 

Play it again, Sam

We know what crushing boredom looks like but maybe Sam Smith was trying to remind us in case we forgot when he posted a series of photos on Instagram chronicling his quarantine “meltdown”. Sam did acknowledge that the photos were poorly-timed & tone-deaf and we agree with that remark wholeheartedly. 

Weird flex but okay

Hey Drake, when you’re lamenting about your time in quarantine maybe don’t do it in a humble brag post about your new NBA regulation size, private indoor basketball court? Mmkay?

Vagina candles for your emergency kits

What would a cancelled celebrity post be without Gwyneth? Time and again she’s shown us she’s so far out of touch that Elon Musk might as well put her on one of his rockets and blast her perfectly-steamed privates to Mars. 

This time Gwyneth thought quarantine, when millions of Americans suddenly found themselves jobless, would be the perfect time to sell some high-priced items. Not to mention the fact that Gwyneth has a well-known public health platform and neglected to use it for any real good. Big swing & a miss there Gwyneth.