HomeNewsWe watched it so you don’t have to: ‘Star Trek: Picard’ is simply terrible

We watched it so you don’t have to: ‘Star Trek: Picard’ is simply terrible

We watched 'Star Trek: Picard' so you don't have to. Find out our thoughts on the latest 'Star Trek' spinoff. Here's what we thought about Picard.

We watched it so you don’t have to: ‘Star Trek: Picard’ is simply terrible

Why are we doing this?

Why is it necessary?

Why must we suffer. . .in such a specific way?

These are all questions we know the answer to, if logic is applied. 

1) We are not doing this. CBS is doing this. CBS is doing this, because money.

2) It is not necessary, but there is a chance that money will be made from it.

3) We must suffer, because money is involved.

CBS has recognized that it will never win in the streaming wars unless it lugs out the long-dead carcass of various Star Trek properties and brings them back, Frankenstein-style, in an attempt to increase its viewing figures, which is how we ended up with Star Trek: Picard.

It’s working. 

CBS All Access reported the month of January surpassed its prior record in February 2019 for subscriber sign-ups, largely due to the hype for Picard

According to TechCrunch, Picard’s premiere set a new record for total streams and led to the highest volume of subscribers to stream a CBS All Access original series to date. Picard also led to an increase in views by more than 180%, compared with CBS’s Star Trek: Discovery’s previous record for subscribers streaming a CBS All Access original.

We could recap the show, but watching a trailer gives a clear enough understanding of what the story is. Jean Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart) comes out of retirement, and there are explosions.

The Alex Kurtzman-created show follows Picard after he left Starfleet for a quiet life on the vineyard, but since this is Star Trek, the quiet life does not stay quiet for very long. The pilot features callbacks to Star Trek: Nemesis, and the series will feature all of our favorite Star Trek actors, such as Brent Spiner, Jeri Ryan Marina Sirtis, and Jonathan Frakes.

The show creators also made the decision to link it to the 2009 Star Trek reboot, because #synergy, so Picard is also handling the fallout of displaced Romulans after the destruction of their home planet. 

So why aren’t we happy about it?

Star Trek: The Next Generation had arguably one of the best finales in television history. There was no happy ending or final battle, characters weren’t getting murdered every 12 seconds, and there was no sense of finality to it.

It did not end with a bang or a whimper, but rather a game of poker. A continuation of the game they had played for years before and would likely play for years to come. Captain Jean Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart) joined them in its final moments, a first for the series, and the screen faded to black.

That finale was a promise they would continue the voyages of the Starship Enterprise. There would be more stories, adventures, and visits to the Holodeck for the Starfleet crew, even if the viewer was not there to see them. It was a sweet, sad ending for a sweet, optimistic show, and it was a fitting conclusion after seven seasons.

Picard is back, but not because he needs to be. 

ABC has an entire backlog of Disney content and promotional tie-ins to draw from, while NBC is launching a streaming platform that will feature gems like ER, Parks and Rec, and Cheers. CBS needs an edge, which means there will be a new Star Trek show premiering every year until World War III breaks out, humanity crumbles, and Zefram Cochrane finally gets around to inventing warp drive.

We have reached the transitive property of entertainment. Did you love Spock in Star Trek: The Original Series? Great, here’s the story of his unnamed adopted sister. Were you a fan of Data from STTNG? Well he has a daughter now! Just kidding, she died. But look over there! He has another daughter, conveniently alive and ready to advance the plot! 

It’s so convenient that everyone in these different families decided to pursue a career in Starfleet. Nobody in the Spock family ever thought to take up dentistry? Or copywriting? Or improv? In two years, if Picard doesn’t take off like it’s supposed to, CBS will trot out the untold Starfleet story of Jean Luc Picard’s distant nephew. He’s probably Belgian, and speaks with a Canadian accent, which makes as much sense as Picard’s dialect.

We understand that creating media in this day and age is almost impossible: the amount of funding it takes to get something off the ground requires it to be a success almost overnight, which means that show creators are looking for an easy sell, which means drawing from previous (successful) properties. 

It is getting exhausting to try and keep up. 

Star Wars is just the Skywalker family ruining the rest of the galaxy, while Marvel is little more than a factory of perfectly chiseled actors recreating the plot of lesser-known Stan Lee comics. Jurassic Park will keep on creating CGI monstrosities in what feels like a blatant violation of the Geneva convention, and we’re forecasting that Harry Potter will get the reboot in less than seven years.

Sometimes, a show creator gets it right. Westworld and Watchmen on HBO both come to mind as both a reboot and sequel (respectively) handled perfectly. Each program respected the original material while pushing the story in a completely different direction, but those stories are few and far between.

Until then, we have Picard. A program filled with amazing actors playing classic characters we love, at the expense of anything new.

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Molly Harris is a riddle inside an enigma, wrapped in feminine wiles, and nestled in a soft, human skin suit with a blonde wig on top. She arrived to Chicago from the wild cornfields of Indiana and spends most of her time talking about science fiction and glitter and puns.

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Comments
  • Star Trek may not be for everyone, however it is clear there is a large contingent of people that do enjoy it immensely. I am also open to listening to opposing views. However your take is not from an intellectual or unbiased standpoint. It is simply a one sided personal attack. This does not lend you much credibility as a critic. Looking back all reviews you have of anything Star Trek, have a similar flow. If you dislike anything Star Trek why do you choose to continue slandering it? Move on, let it go and find something you can use your talent for…..

    February 3, 2020
    • CBS shill

      February 14, 2020
      • eat Viacom

        March 2, 2020
      • My thoughts exactly

        April 14, 2020
      • I am forcing myself to watch Picard and I t’s a painful experience. Isn’t a new Star Trek supposed to be pure joy? It’s not. Patrick just seems to old to act. He reminds me of my Dad when he started getting Alzheimer’s Disease. And whereas Mandalorian has a great narrative, I just don’t find much of a narrative at all. It jumps around in the first episode. CBS needs to enchant us, engage us, and show some intellectual insight in the future, for example, seeing the vineyard being sprayed was silly: spraying what? Pesticides or fertilizer? Our 2020 farming techniques are beginning to genetically modify plants so they don’t require pesticides and can produce their own nitrogen fertilizer. And if they have a machine that can produce meals, (I’m a winemaker and a vigneron) there is no need to grow grapes in the future- bacteria could be modified to produce those molecules. Mandalorian swept me up and charmed me. With Picard, I am distracted by Patrick’s dementia and I can’t make myself care. It shouldn’t be so hard to enjoy.

        May 10, 2020
    • The original series, as well as it’s 80’s followup, gave you something to think about after seeing an episode, when it was a good episode.

      This doesn’t. This is mindless action with a paper thin plot while bashing over your head the current political situation and taking sides. This is basically mindless propaganda.

      With regard to this being propaganda, here is why it’s propaganda. In a political argument, one side is constantly strawmanned. The reason group X wants Y is because of Z. No. This show doesn’t even understand the political situation they are commenting on, the show is strawmanning one group, and it’s nauseating to see that.

      The one good thing about this, is that it’s going to age about as well as agiprop did from the USSR and I mean that seriously. This level of propaganda will be studied for decades. We have some “true believers” in our society absolutely convinced of their virtuousness and impervious to even thinking they might be wrong. The anti-intellectual intellectuals.

      February 25, 2020
      • Thanks for giving some reasons behind why you don’t like Picard. I think you’re the first in this thread to say something substantial in regards to this (including the author of the article). Which side is being constantly strawmanned? I am genuinely curious to hear about this from your perspective. Maybe this is happening and I’m blind to it.

        I will agree that there is more action than I expected, but TNG and original trek have had their share of fighting and combat as well. I don’t see any ‘mindless propaganda’ personally, but as I said, maybe I’m missing something here. I do feel as though some of the greatest TNG episodes were political in nature – drumhead and measure of a man come to mind, and the show has never shied away from this type of thing. Maybe you feel as though the messages are being too blunt. In that case, where specifically? Maybe you’re right, but I don’t see it personally at this time.

        I just watched episode 8 and I feel as though there’s a lot of hand wringing moral decision making going on, and I’ve thought about what I would do in that situation since I watched it yesterday. This characteristic, to me at least, is on par with TNG. I do concede that the first handful of episodes didn’t bring a whole lot to the table aside from exposition, but I think that’s due to the fact that they have a lot of exposition to get through. The pacing is fairly slow as well, despite the level of action, so I do think that turns off some people.

        We also do need to remember that a lot of the first season of TNG was just bad, but of course, nowadays we expect more instant quality (and that’s probably for the best).

        Thanks again for your input though.

        March 13, 2020
    • There’s a good chance if the author didn’t like Star Trek they’d like all this Kurtzman-produced dreck. It was made for people who don’t like Star Trek but do enjoy the Picard facepalm meme.

      March 1, 2020
    • How dare you argue it’s ever acceptable for a bunch of hack writers to take over ANY venerable and well loved series and pound it into the ground because don’t have enough originality to produce something new worth watching and need to steal an established franchises clout to steal viewership they otherwise would never have had. They wanted to write some kind of dark murderous soap opera cut with Mickey Spillane & cop shows – fine – but that has zippo to do with Star Trek. The entire series has been a put-up job since the pilot. It’s Murder trek and it’s sick and twisted – things no Star Trek before Kurtzman ever was. Sit down and STFU.

      March 7, 2020
    • Lol. You use a legitimate sounding name to add some credibility to your comment? Or are you that ignorant? In either case, that’s your opinion not shared by many. If your comment is legitimate and you’re not a shill, you’re a “blind” loyalist who shares the same cognitive wiring as those who supported Trump through the impeachment hearings and more.

      April 14, 2020
    • You write like a public relations hack. In fact I guarantee you’re a public relations hack. Your language, syntax and flow mirror the countless “Engage! Star Trek is back! Ignore the gatekeeper haters!” shill comments that litter IMDB and virtually any comment section that is critical of the garbage tv-show Star Trek Picard. Make no mistake, we dislike ST: Picard because it violates every single principle that once made Star Trek great. Congratulations, you shill for a company and show-runners who killed one of the most beloved franchises in TV history. ST: Picard is vulgar, violent, perverted degenerate trash – why don’t you “move on” – to another job where you can stop lying and look at yourself in the mirror.

      April 22, 2020
    • I’m pretty sure that StarTrekFan is either getting paid to write these really stupid responses – calling everyone that disagrees with the author a shill – or is the Author under another account. Don’t listen. He/she sounds like a complete moron, and is clearly full of vitriol and hate for no apparent reason.

      I find it’s the toxic nerd culture that can’t take it when something about what they loved changes, or just change in general. Often they’re stuck in this unflattering, stagnant cycle, wondering why the world doesn’t conform to them, instead of adapting to and embracing change.

      By the way, TNG was just an ok show. A lot of the acting was terrible, save for some key characters, and the constant technobabble would setup these deus ex machina scenarios that made it really hard to stay engaged. The show was at its best when they explored the relationships with the people they encountered, first contact scenarios, etc – but they didn’t have many of those episodes. Usually, it was some contrived situation that was solved with any number of made up words and button pushing. Picard is better in every way.

      I do appreciate that TNG is the reason this show and others like it exists, but seriously, you’re not going to convince the majority of the people out there that enjoy this show that it’s bad, and when you try to, it ends up making you look like unapologetic fanboys, thrashing at the idea of anything different than what you remember.

      May 12, 2020
  • I like it. I guess that’s all that matters.

    February 3, 2020
    • Patrick Stewart has put in wonderful performances over the years. But there is an everpresent air of camp bravado and pompous arrogance that threatens to break out and ruin the good work. It was inevitable and episode 5 is when this side of Stewart broke out, exposing the ridiculousness of the show.

      February 24, 2020
      • For me, it was episode 3

        April 14, 2020
  • It not looking like an exciting new adventure. It’s leveraging popular old characters and CGI as though it’s all spontaneous thoughts rather than the connective tissue of a well defined story/script.

    I love my Star Trek, but this show is a slow burn. It leaves me noticing all the errors and flaws.

    February 4, 2020
  • What a weird article..
    So many insinuations that it’s crap, but it seems that you just can’t explain why you think this is the case.
    For example, you say “So why aren’t we happy about it?” and then you prattle on for several paragraphs and veer totally off the subject, talking about Disney and other shows..
    Maybe, you did explain why you don’t like it, but if so, I missed it, buried in the random rantings.
    It’s like you were told to write an article about how bad the show is, but you just didn’t get around to the point, at all.
    As I said: Weird.

    February 4, 2020
    • Nothing weird about pointing out how terrible Picard is. What is weird is seeing CBS paid accounts like yours pop up to control the corporate narrative and shill for CBS All Access’ crappy product

      February 14, 2020
      • Agreed. CBS is working overtime to convince people this isn’t another failure.

        March 1, 2020
  • What family members Decided to pursue a career in starfleet?
    Daj and Sonji aren’t in starfleet. And we don’t even know if data created them or not.
    Picard has no family since generations
    And Riker and Troi’s daughter isn’t in starfleet.

    February 5, 2020
  • Totally disagree with this article.

    I believe Picard has perfectly captured the essence of TNG, and established a subtle link with much loved characters from the series very well.

    It’s a slow burner, but shows that it is very much a story led narrative rather than an serialised, complete story in one episode affair.

    I’m sure I’m not the only one who is very much looking forward to seeing how this captivating story unfolds.

    February 5, 2020
    • You are clueless about TNG. Also, there are tons of Star Trek fans who dislike Picard for its terrible writing, editing and storyline recycled straight from that dumpsterfire STD

      February 14, 2020
    • Are you a CBS shill or just under the bizarre impression that Discovery was the only other star Trek series? It bears no resemblance whatsoever to any Star Trek except the equally badly written a dumpster fire that was Discovery, also a Kurtzman project. All the other Star Treks were optimistic and there were no swears. Trek had gritty battle scenes but it wasn’t non-stop over the top soap opera set crossed with a cop drama partly written by Mickey Spillane – all these stereotypical hardboiled detectives and villains rewritten as female characters sprinkled with a few old Star Trek characters. These Kurtzman monstrosities where he has stolen the name and written a poor simulcrum of Blade Runner are nowhere near any Star Trek series aside from Kurtzman’s Discovery – which is what it should have been titled. This crap doesn’t hold a candle to Blade Runner or Black Mirror which seems to be other places they are rampantly stealing from.

      March 7, 2020
      • Best on point explanation of what ails STD & STP

        April 27, 2020
    • The Orville has more in common with Star Trek than this garbage. You have clearly not bothered to watch TNG at all.

      March 25, 2020
  • It’s 2 episode in and your calling it trash and dismissing it, have you not seen season 1 of the next generation, certainly not the best trek, but grew in to 7 seasons getting better and better.

    February 5, 2020
    • Four episodes in and Picard is definitely trash. TNG had the benefit of science fiction writers lead by the talented Michael Piller. STD and Picard have no talented writers, only hack producers

      February 14, 2020
    • That’s revisionist nonsense. Most people liked the first season of TNG just fine at the time and the show continued to get even better until about the 5th season when the quality plateaued. It’s only people who never really watched TNG who feel the way you do about it.

      March 1, 2020
    • 8 episodes in and it remains garbage ; this is a cop show set in space, a dark and poor copy of Battlestar Gallactica or Blade Runner – it is decidedly not Trek. Kurtzman is dishonest calling this Trek when it’s clearly just Kurtzman ramping up the body count doing a bad cop murder spree drama soap opera in outer space with aliens. For anyone that despises soap operas and dislikes cop dramas Star Trek was a welcome respite from people writing rubbish pretending to be about cops or the military which bear little resemblance to anything in the actual police or military, until Kurtzman and these hack writers got their grimy derivative hands on it.

      March 7, 2020
      • Season finale aired and now it has gone from garbage to toxic waste.

        April 11, 2020
  • so, basically, this is not a review of Picard but rant about revival of Star Trek.

    February 5, 2020
  • The only bad thing that Picard has produced (so far) is this self indulgent opinionated review. Its central gist is “if I like it,it is good. If I don’t then it is crap”.

    February 5, 2020
  • Seems like the author is calling this show terrible for no real reason. There is no real analysis or constructive criticism, just snark.

    February 5, 2020
    • Hard to analyse trash like Picard and STD, it’s pretty straightforward

      February 14, 2020
    • What this does is change Star Trek – which was never a thing like a cop show, a soap opera, a Mickey Spillane novel or a drama about murder and espionage (of which already plenty of those and which Trek had been a welcome respite from) into another carbon copy of exactly those dark dramas with added torture porn and a sprinkling of the old Trek characters. it’s not for Trek fans despite the false labeling. Aside from Discovery – Kurtzman’s other disembowling of Trek, no other trek series was a thing like this. The only people who like it never watched the original series. It’s like rewriting the Bible as a farce – a genre leap into the void.

      March 7, 2020
  • Pretty lame article, I’m not a Trekkie, but I have to admit, this new show brings a twist to the original series. It’s captivating and I can’t wait to see the following episodes.

    February 5, 2020
    • CBS shill

      February 14, 2020
    • “I’m not a Trekkie”

      …which is why you enjoy this generic dystopian sci-fi soap opera. But a lot of actual Trek fans don’t like it for the same reason.

      March 1, 2020
    • If you aren’t a watcher of the other Trek series you couldn’t possibly understand what is wrong with this. It clearly is not Trek. It’s not the same genre. It’s cops and torture porn in outerspace done a la soap opera. They’ve done the equivalent of labeling a can of corned beef as vegan stew. More like Star DREK. I’m not even a Trekie but I enjoyed the original set of series until Discovery – also Kurtzman – also overly dramatic poorly written unbelievable rubbish. Any real military would never have let Burnham in. She would have been run out of any military on the planet and kept away, or perhaps even shot during a court marshal and rightly so. I cannot get behind poorly written characterizations and storylines that are nonsense. These writers are trying to replicate Blade Runner in tone and failing miserably. They should just stop and go write a copy show or a soap opera. But no one would have watched it – because they are little known writers and it would be as bad as it is so they stole the coattails of Star Trek, mislabelling it as Trek, hoping to suck Trek’s old audience in – and we are very angry because they have eviscerated it. It was always optimistic. This is an ongoing black hole of doom. Not even Battle Star Galactica or Blade Runner or V, despite a lot of darkness necessary to the story arcs, were black holes of doom and murder festivals. It is what it is but it is not Trek. It just has a few Trek characters and alien types. If I am in the mood for black hole of doom i’ll watch something well written like Game of Thrones or Black Mirror or Breaking Bad – not this trainwreck labelled as Trek.

      March 7, 2020
      • Perfectly written review. It is a waste of talented actors and I totally blame the writers and producers. There is not one character to like, let alone love. Just a note. . . stop the juvenile jokes please. Anyone who enjoyed TNG does not enjoy teen drama shows.

        April 20, 2020
    • “I’m not a Trekkie.”

      Neither am I, but I can recognize bad shallow writing when I see it. This show is a prime example of it. It’s BSG written by a 13-year-old.

      March 31, 2020
    • Uh im not a girl but im really excited about the new line of available female sanitary products

      April 27, 2020
  • You said…
    Absolutely nothing.
    I mean, SERIOUSLY nothing.
    18 paragraphs. Only 4 of them actually refer to the show, and even those are vague enough to suggest that the author may not have seen the show.
    7 paragraphs were about franchises and television networks.
    “Watching a trailer gives a clear enough indication of what the story is.” Does it, though? I’m wondering if that is exactly what you did; watch the trailer and write this “article” in 15 minutes total. This might explain the significant padding, and the marked lack of exposition or example.
    Hint: If you wish to review a show, watch the show. Then, write an article about the show.

    February 5, 2020
    • 1000 likes to this response.

      February 5, 2020
    • ““Watching a trailer gives a clear enough indication of what the story is.” Does it, though?”
      Actually it does. CBS teased the hell out it to build subscribers in advance to the point it ruined all the surprises that would have watered down the bad story, bad story telling and bad acting. Things like HUGH and 7of9 would have been fun jaw dropping surprises. Instead I was “setup” for an intelligent well paced story – we kept hearing how this was supposed to be slow build DRAMA – what we got was a mess. The story moves along and feels rushed and hollow, the characters contrived and dimension less. I don’t know who the hell this Picard is, but it doesn’t at all seem like the natural progression of the prior character we all knew and loved. Maybe it is dementia

      February 14, 2020
    • Another CBC shill, ok.

      April 14, 2020
  • Apparently your jaded cynicism at the state of franchise entertainment in general has prevented you from seeing the actual content of Picard. Well done.

    February 5, 2020
    • She’s absolutely right. Picard is a trash show

      February 14, 2020
    • What “content” are you talking about? The terrible dialogue? The silly action scenes? The hamfisted political allegories created at the expense of everything that made Star Trek special in the first place?

      March 1, 2020
  • You are so wrong about Picard. First TNG didnt have a dramatic series finale because it went onto to movies. Second: Not every aspect of the characters live is shown in the eps. For example, Dahj and Soji might have be a result of Data and Maddox becoming friends in TNG ep Datas Day. This review is not thoroug or indepth. This is just touching the surface. TNG and Picard are both multilayer shows . This review doesnt even mention why Picard is back or how it ties Data, and that is one of the many layers in Picard

    February 5, 2020
    • She hit the nail on its head regarding Picard. It’s a terrible show

      February 14, 2020
      • IT IS terrible. I join in each week keep hoping it will improve, but I literally cringe with the dialogue and over the top acting. It is like Patrick Steward is channeling William Shatner

        February 14, 2020
    • There is NOTHING below the surface of this lame show. Pseudointellectual mumbo-jumbo about shared Borg/Romulan religions and prophecies threatening the entire galaxy does not equate to a good plot. They’ve just reused the same nonsense from DIS season 2 except now it’s “the Destroyer” instead of the Red Angel.

      March 1, 2020
  • Crazy notion, people can watch it and make up their own minds. Lifelong Trekkie and I’m enjoying it so far.

    February 5, 2020
    • If you were truly a fan of Star Trek, you’d hate Picard for being corporate trash. You’ve outed yourself CBS shill

      February 14, 2020
      • Gene would be turning over in his grave. I can’t believe they finally stooped to foul language.

        February 14, 2020
      • People aren’t going to take your opinion seriously if you are sincerely going to take the position that ‘everything I don’t like sucks and if you like it, well it objectively sucks SO much that you must be paid by the company to say it’. It’s not a good look. I’d like to hear the reasons why you think these things though. Don’t be intellectually lazy, put some effort in to your comments. You likely have some good points there.

        March 13, 2020
    • If you really were a “lifelong Trekkie” you’d never use that word to describe yourself. It’s far more likely that you’re just a casual viewer who caught a few TNG reruns and liked the Picard facepalm meme.

      March 1, 2020
  • It’s crap.

    The Abrams and associate plague is killing entertainment. EP 3 was the last for me.

    February 10, 2020
  • I love Star Trek and have been watching it for 30 years. It saddens me to see this. The writing, story, character development and acting are all sub-par. The story pacing is wrong, I feel nothing for the characters. Patrick Steward, bless him, but I don’t know what happened. His acting in this is awful and it does not seem like the Jean-Luc I grew up with. Most of you people don’t understand the point of the article. The point is, stop taking what was good and killing everything it did in the past by making this crap. Star Wars is the same example. It will be used and beaten to death like a 2 dollar hooker. At least Discovery is more or less a new story, with the exception of Spock and to a lesser extent Pike

    February 14, 2020
  • I grew up on TNG, this show has no heart and is for dullards.

    February 14, 2020
  • “Picard” is not terrible because of ‘politics’. It’s terrible because, among other things, it’s horribly written, acted, edited, paced and makes absolutely no sense. I watched and cherished every episode of the “Original Series” & “The Next Generation” and “Picard” is simply not “Star Trek”. It’s an abomination.

    February 16, 2020
    • It’s the hamfisted way they handle the political allegories rather than the politics themselves. Star Trek was never meant to be a dystopian nightmare filled with anger, intrigue, and backstabbing untrustworthy characters. It always presented a hopeful vision of the future. Yes, even in the ‘dark’ DS9.

      March 1, 2020
  • I wonder when Patrick Stewart decided to sell out and end his career like the great Orson Wells did……with a shit show so below his standards and acting ability. But, hey the pay is good right, Patrick? Have the time I was wondering if I was watching ABC Spark .

    February 23, 2020
  • If you’ve been looking for the Star Trek that became a global phenomenon and endured for more than 50 years, the Star Trek that depicted humanity as having evolved beyond pettiness, greed, and violence – keep looking. This ain’t it. In the first five minutes, a half dozen people are shot and stabbed. Every scene thereafter is a painful reminder that everything which made Star Trek unique and successful has been stripped out in favor of violence, sarcasm, and selfishness. See, in Star Trek, characters speak to each other with dignity and respect. Even the bad guys spoke with observable self respect. Turn on Picard and you’ll see Starfleet officers dropping F-bombs like it’s an audience blitzkrieg, superfluous action sequences that add nothing of value, and not one character who can refrain from aggressive sarcasm for more than a few seconds at a time. And the pacing. Good God, the pacing. In 4 hours of content so far, we’ve spent about ten minutes in space. On a show called Star Trek. And at the end of each episode I find myself wondering: Who is this show for? It’s not for people who love Star Trek, that’s for sure. Theyve stripped out the peaceful co-existence, the mutual respect and understanding, and the evolved humanity trek fans expect. Now it’s just another violent science fiction series with swords in place of solutions. And no one grew up loving Star Trek because the decapitations were just soooo cool. And it’s not for people who don’t like Star Trek as evidenced by the plodding dialogue that’s thick with Star Trek jargon that no one outside the dedicated fan base understands. So, who is this for? Well, it seems like it was for the CBS executive to pin their hopes and dreams of becoming Netflix upon. And that ain’t happening. You know what sucks most of all? A buddy of mine plays one of the lead roles. He does a great job. He deserves writers and showrunners that care about the franchise beyond watering it down for greater profits.

    February 28, 2020
    • Perfectly stated. I’m sorry your friend has to be a part of this schlockfest.

      March 1, 2020
    • Couldn’t agree more. 8 episodes in and it’s all of that violent dumpster fire of a stereotyped soap operatic cop show in space with added torture porn. Yuck! I agree the actors and crew deserve better. The only good thing about it is at least they have a paying gig. :(

      March 7, 2020
    • I just read your comment about Star Trek Picard I am a life long Star Trek Fan but I have never watched star trek picard or std, Enterprise was the last star Trek show I ever watched , Reading what you said it sounds like picard is set in the mirror universe judging by the behavior of the characers and the amount of violence there is, This sounds nothing like the prime universe I saw a few clips and they are nor even wearing the correct starfleet uniform for the time and they even got the comm badge wrong as well, Maybe jean Luc Picard some how ended up in the mirror universe would explain a lot.

      April 26, 2020
  • I’m glad to hear the truth. It is objectively terrible. I know you’d feel differently about this show, as would I, if it we’re just good. Mentioning the quality of shows like Watchmen and Westworld confirms that to me. It is OK to like the show everyone. Plenty of terrible series are loved. This is no an attack on you.

    February 29, 2020
  • You were much kinder that I would be. This show was the most anticipated show of the season for me, and it is simply terrible. No point in trying to be kind.

    March 6, 2020
  • This review is spot on and I have to imagine that the folks condemning it were still in the early stages of the show when hope was high. No way someone would argue with this review after the 5th episode. This show is nonsensical forced drama with a convoluted sense of urgency. Just about lost me at episode 2. Definitely lost me at episode 5. None of the explanations made any sense (I mean, they made sense but I had no idea why everyone was acting all dramatically over them) and certainly didn’t deserve the extremely concerned looks on Picard’s face. The thing is they just haven’t made me care… at all. They seem more concerned with winking and nodding to the old instead of focusing on making the new compelling and engaging. I’m just going to have to wait for them to work this all out. Man, I really, really wanted to like this…

    March 7, 2020
  • Writer 1: I want to have a Romulan pass as human so they can be in Starfleet.
    (Fired) Writer 2: Why not just have Romulans in Starfleet? Or pretend to be Vulcan?
    Director: Nonsense. We’ll change the appearance of Romulans so that they can have ear surgery to pass as humans. Now what will they do in Starfleet?
    Writer 1: Nothing. The next scene they’ll have changed back to a Romulan.
    Direct: Brilliant! I love it.

    March 8, 2020
    • Dumpster fires are funny. Especially when the dumpster is rolling downhill in a flood. Wait a minute – I thought Camp Bravado and Pompous Arrogance were the two head writers of every Star Dreck series and episode. I’d have thought that they’d have postponed their exploration of space in favor of an exploration of a cure for baldness long before 2,3whenever. Star Trek was always just for wimpy white guys who like to pretend they’re not wimpy. Why try to pretend it’s ever been about anything else. There’s a huge, endless supply of them, so the series is sure to live long and prosper.

      March 16, 2020
  • Producer: The show is missing something.
    (Fired) Writer 2: Logic?
    Producer: No that’s not it. It needs a ninja with a sword.
    (Fired) Writer 2: But everyone has phasers. People with swords wouldn’t last long.
    Producer: He’ll be from the matrix.

    March 8, 2020
    • Producer; this show needs more swears to be edgy, also we need to make money a thing again in a utopian post-scarcity society in order to justify space brothel/casino scenes, they worked so well in Star Wars.

      (Fired) Writer 2; But won’t that affect established setting and continuity in a cherished decade-spanning franchise?

      Director; Can I has torture-porn too?

      Writer 1; On it!

      March 29, 2020
  • CBS uses Star Trek in the title to lure us in. Then they change the show to an alternate dark, femanistic male bash murdering rampage, that is more fantasy than science fiction. Totaly lacking any suspence of disbelive in the poorly written plots. Watched 2 seasons of STD then canceled. Just watch YouTube reviews and reactions. No longer a fan of this new Star Drek. I need the Orville!

    March 8, 2020
  • Mr. Stewart is 80 years old, succumbing to what age is going to all of us; shaking, losing balance, vocal changes, and fragility.

    This story, ( Yawn), is written ironically for the “former” Mr. Stewart , a vital, energetic, authoritative, commander. Now, a shadow of his former self. “I’m ready for my close up, Mr. DeMille.”
    Retire gracefully, with honor.

    March 9, 2020
  • I came upon this review to see if anyone else was as disappointed with STP as I am…

    I know that I used to look forward to STNG episodes with anticipation and finished each wanting more…

    Instead, I find it a labor of loyalty (and torture) watching these horribly written episodes, wondering if anything will happen to advance the plot and why I continue to waste my time watching each week!

    Although the review lacks the specific analysis to the reasons for its overall poor implementation, suffice it to say we watch for FUN and ENJOYMENT… Add a bit of appreciation for cleverness in the script/plot and we are happy campers…

    Simply not having fun and not enjoying the experience here!!

    March 13, 2020
  • Although the initial article doesn’t really go into detail about why the show is bad, it serves as a jumping off point for discussion that does mention why it’s terrible.

    Hopes were high for this, expectations raised, fans at fever pitch. The show itself couldn’t have fully lived up to all of them even if it had an abundance of quality. But it doesn’t even meet the average bar. It is… well the phrase I’m looking for is “total schlock”. The worst episodes of TNG are more watchable than this – yes, even the terrible clip show one from the writers strike in season 2, “Shades of Grey”.

    Here’s what I think the brief went like for ST: Picard

    Let’s make it dark and violent and sweary. It should exist in a bleak future which slashes away at the lore of Star Trek in just a few episodes – a universe full of sarcastic, hopeless, mean-spirited but yet somehow one-dimensional characters. It needs to take everything that was bad about Nemesis and the Kelvin era stuff, but include more of it. It has to introduce so many potential future plots and characters that all of them move at a snail’s pace and regularly characters are padding out screen time with nothing important or relevant to do and no apparent motivation to do it. Don’t worry about crafting beautifully realised morality plays in an episodic format like the TNG days, have about seven crappy hack plots running at once. This will create the illusion of depth.

    While we’re taking a beloved franchise and dragging it into the dirt, let’s throw away the overarching message of Star Trek – equality for all, a core value since The Original Series. More than that, we should be going for misandry and misogyny too! Strong female characters must chew out male characters all the time, crybullying the men (misandry) while periodically stopping to angst like moody teenagers and stuff their faces with cake (misogyny). Wow, ain’t this show WOKE! Let’s be disrespectful to both men and women in a Star Trek show, that’s so edgy! Or how about Raffi makes the effort to go see her son, only to find he treats her like the muck on his shoe, and then his wife (Raffi’s daughter-in-law) comes out from her pregnancy check up and does the same. What horrible horrible people.

    Let’s have Jeri Ryan returning to help completely derail the many seasons worth of humanising Seven of Nine character development from Voyager. She’s basically just demoted to a third-rate Terminator now – go slay a room full of people after lying to Picard that you wouldn’t, for… reasons? What reasons – doesn’t matter, throw in more plots and characters and keep going to add “layers” to this show. Shall we bring back Hugh from TNG and kill him off too? Sure, have at it. Tear that legacy to shreds, don’t worry about what the fans think. Kurtzman Trek – edgy, disdainful. Patrick Stewart is cool with all this – in fact he encouraged the angle about hating Star Fleet because as a liberal he’s still bleeding heart about Brexit – so turn up the wick.

    On top of all these horrible characters, plots both slow and terrible, questions being asked and not answered in the style of Lost (a show that went off the air and was promptly forgotten about, probably because it was so poorly written) let’s also make every set dimly lit with a muted colour palette to try and hide the fact it’s horribly low budget because all the money has been wasted on superfluous actors and producers we don’t need.

    I could go on and on with this. I made it through 7 episodes – it had completely lost all goodwill by episode 5 and Patrick Stewart dressing as some kind of ludicrous stereotypical 18th Century Frenchman to deceive the people that Seven of Nine would massacre.

    Fortunately, after reading dozens of IMDb reviews written by people who loved pre-millenial Trek as much as I do and were horrified by all the shill scores and reviews on IMDb, pointing out their own most loathed moments of the show (and by God there are a boatload of them to choose from) I noticed that The Orville kept getting mentioned. When I watched that I saw something that was Star Trek in everything but name – a little more slapstick, more irreverent but true to the values of TOS and TNG with the episodic morality plots that were well thought out and invited thought and discussion after the credits.

    March 17, 2020
  • I’m an ex-trekkie. Star Trek died in 2008 with the reboot. What we have now are flash in the pans, cater to the obtuse masses who enjoy action and screen flares. Gone are the days where Star Trek was about something. Even Discovery is horrible, probably tenfold more so than Picard. (At least Picard is in the prime universe.)

    It’s almost like Star Trek is trying to find its foothold again with a vastly different viewing audience with different tastes and beliefs. One way is by forgoing any real story driven episodes and instead focusing on the “fail safe” of “PEW PEW BOOM!” action sequences.

    It’s not going to work. Call backs to TNG is all good, I enjoy seeing Admiral Picard, Number One and Troi again. Hopefully they can turn Picard around, because unlike Discovery, Picard actually has a chance.

    March 21, 2020
    • Yes, ST died long ago. If they bring it back again, I hope it will be a complete reboot.

      April 14, 2020
  • I miss TNG era Trek, but I am certainly open to a new vision of the future. There are issues with resurrecting things for money, but I can forgive them if it’s worthy. BUT. This show is absolute garbage. There is no plot, no characters, no dialogue, there are only pew pew lazers, lens flare, dutch angles and ‘sexy’ vulcans that look like they probably get bullied by their five year old neighbours. My god what the hell happened. I can see a lot of fans saying ‘I could pull a better show out of my ass’, and I’m 100% sure that they are all right.

    March 24, 2020
  • Brilliant show, great writing, acting and filming, better still it sorts out the retards who never really understood Star Trek. You can see the same bunch of basement dwelling morons accusing any one who dares not agree with their bitter twisted stupidity in hating the show dribbling shit about anyone who likes it being a CBS shill.
    I’ve watched every series of Star Trek since the first series came out, and I rate this as the best of the lot by far. Take that you whiny little know nothing dumbarses.

    March 27, 2020
  • LeBleau you clearly are a Hallucinogenic/Psychedelic drug junkie whose mind is in a perpetual state of being scattered across numerous planes of existence with absolutely no grasp on any one reality.

    Progressivenism equals deep state of psychosis and that is what you have when you instill fantasy into Sci-Fi, I watched the Classic Trek episode A Private Little War where the Klingons give one side Flint Lock rifles and ammunition and teach them how to aim, point, shoot, and hit their targets.

    Through the actions of the Klingons an imbalance in interpersonal relationships formed between the Village people who they were supplying with rifles and the and once the Village people discovered it was far easier to take a street gang mentality and just take what they wanted through force they found such behavior appealing to them.

    Kirk realized that only if you had a balance of force between the 2 cultures would there ever be any chance for peace because the Village people would have just continued to plunder, rape, and kill until there was nothing left of the Valley people.

    Here is where the liberalist/idealist nonsense comes in, McCoy started spewing his self righteous viewpoints about how the war between the 2 cultures could go on for decades never considering the fact that if both sides were not on a even playing field in being able to protect their way of life the one who was not would lose not only their culture but their life as well, because ideology is what makes you what you are and not idealism and regardless of what mindless people think the 2 are not synonymous.

    I do not have to listen to the fantasy spewed by the disseminators of deceit MSM commentators to be able to figure out the truth it is as constant as if it were permanently carved into solid Neutronium that the vast majority of what they convey is lies.

    April 2, 2020
    • Craig Michael Vandertie, get a life and try to have some fresh air. Your self-isolation is interfering with your cognitive abilities.

      April 14, 2020
  • Pardonne moi, my mistake, Progressivism and not Progressivenism, at least I am cognizant and mature enough to admit my mistakes unlike a Progressive.

    April 2, 2020
  • The romance of Star Trek in the 60’s followed on the national sense of pride at actually accomplishing great things. The Apollo missions and the can do attitude of post WW2 US made the next logical step in space. The final frontier, Enterprise,Trek,exploration all about unlimited possibility awaiting us. Picard is not a Trek into anything and fittingly even the android prefers oblivion. Why is this purely american piece of art work chock a block full of European actors subtlety lecturing Trek fans?

    April 2, 2020
  • Thank you, thank you immensely. It’s nice to see someone in the media actually tell the truth about how terrible these new Star Trek shows truly are, and they do suck a big fat one I believe.

    I loved the first four seasons of Star Trek. I re-watch seasons 2-4 over and over all the time. I’m actually re-watching Deep Space Nine again for the umpteenth time right now. But, everything since those first 4 seasons has been nothing more than slightly polished, expensive stool samples in my opinion. Created by people who obviously have no love for, no respect for and barely a passing knowledge of Star Trek.

    If you told me the people who created ‘Discovery’ and ‘Picard’ were the exact same folks who created the awful Disney Star Wars movies and shows. Well, I would believe you instantly, without a shred of doubt.

    Again, it’s so refreshing to actually see someone detail why these new Star Trek series are so very atrocious. Thank you a bunch. I have a ton of respect for sites that aren’t just shills for CBS and it’s severely mentally challenged “creatives” and “writers.”

    April 4, 2020
  • Star Trek: Prelude to Axanar looked promising. Shame it was not allowed to develop due to how things work. Fans are not allowed to be creative with these stories due to how corrupt the companies are (or whomever outline these story-lines are). The companies want to own the franchise. Fine. But not allowing creativity in a way that the fans want is just plain wrong. There is good elements in Picard and Discovery, but I dare say the story-line is so far from the idea and concept of the original creator that it puts the franchise to shame. It seems to be driven by other forces that would make a candidate for a bad guy or bad situation in the original story.

    April 6, 2020
  • Just watched the last episode of Pickard, incredibly disappointing to say the least.
    The ending was absolutely silly and nonsensical. I don’t know how I managed to watch the whole series. I just hoped it would get better, it didn’t though. There were a couple of reasonable episodes and that’s being kind.
    I’m guessing Patrick Stewart needed to top up his pension fund and that of his franchise colleagues, being an executive producer.
    A disgraceful effort at a much loved franchise.

    April 8, 2020
    • +1, I bailed after three episodes.

      April 14, 2020
  • Nerdrotic, Overlord DVD (Doomcock), Red Letter Media, Mecharandom42, The Critical Drinker, Angry Joe, & the Rageholic (Razorfist) best summon up everything wrong with both Discovery & Picard. While there is a small minority of vocal supporters, this series was ultimately dubbed Star Trek Discard by the majority of Trek fans.

    Borrowing too heavily from other sci-fi & fantasy shows & video games.
    Having the original cast constantly berated by & killed off by the new cast.
    Numerous horribly out-of-character decisions & situations by the old Trek members.
    Partisan politics over humanitarian messages.
    Bleak pessimistic outlook & long arcs ONLY worked for DS9, because they had better characters & superior writers & directors.
    DS9 was still more optimistic & cheerful than New Trek.
    You can’t even count the continuity errors with older Treks, as well as itself, per episode on both hands.
    It’s trying to be in both the Prime & Kelvin timelines at the same time.
    The costumes & makeup look absolutely awful.
    The Romulans don’t look anything like Romulans.
    The writing in both dialogue & plot are terrible.
    The new characters are unlikable.
    Patrick Stewart’s acting is seriously half-assed.
    It feels more contemporary than futuristic when you look at the little things & the tech they don’t focus on much.
    No episodic episodes focusing on the character development of individual characters.
    Too raunchy, violent, & too much swearing, making it not family-friendly. Trek was always popular with kids. Parents won;t let their kids watch this.

    While there will definitely be another season of The Orville, Star Trek is current under crisis. There’s the Covid 19 situation putting Hollywood on lock-down putting shows on delay or cancellation, the backlash, CBS is not making any profit on either show, there is no merchandise, the CBS Viacom merger means cutting jobs & re-evaluation low profit shows, the virus also means lost jobs due to less revenue, key people involved with the show have been fired or relocated, the merger means there is no licencing reason to keep the “25% different” alt universe Treks to which this belongs, the company has plans to cut ties with certain production studios & drop CBS All Access, if lack of production due to the virus piles on debt it would be profitable to sell off the franchise they can’t profit off of anymore.

    April 14, 2020
    • Forgot a few things.

      Romulans became Federation allies at the end of Deep Space Nine, & their empire had a LOT of planets. They had the power & numbers to come to their OWN aid. Also, the destruction of the Romulan homeworld is tied to the JJ Abrams alternate universe.

      This show is has an in-your-face-&-down-your-throat Girl Power message, & yet almost all of the villains are women. With all the people in the Federation being women, it also implies that it’s women’s fault that the Federation changed for the worse. Really shot themselves in the foot with that political message.

      Why is 7 of 9 a lesbian now? There’s never any mention of her husband; Chakotay.

      The real main character/s is/are the daughters of Data. Nothing about how they function or were created makes a lick of sense. Even Old Trek technobabble had read science behind it.

      April 14, 2020
  • I COMPLETELY agree. The “blind” loyalists share the same cognitive wiring as those who supported Trump through the impeachment hearings and more.

    I am a true trekkie and this show is simply a disaster. Some horrible lines and acting by some great actors.

    Viewer numbers are very secretive. It was presumptuous to renew Picard for season 2 even before it began. Like Westworld, let’s see if the CBC execs and the powers to be will cancel both shows due to poor numbers.

    April 14, 2020
  • Well I tried. So much for the TNG fans hoping to bring back some of that good stuff. Nope, it’s now a different show for a different audience steeped in politics and forcing sexuality and curse words down our throats. The social agenda warriors strike again.

    April 14, 2020
  • Star Trek Picard is absolute garbage. My disappointment in CBS is eclipsed by my disappointment in Patrick Stewart, a man who did not have to reprise his role for a paycheck. Only a few years ago (2012) he stated emphatically that under no circumstances would he ever step into Picard’s shoes again unless an amazing FILM script came his way. He settled for a poorly written streaming series that fails Roddenberry’s vision at every turn of the compass.

    April 15, 2020
    • 100% agree
      Alex Kurtzman is a talentless hack!

      May 8, 2020
  • I don’t get why everyone has to shit on the new shows. This article is poorly written for a start, but i mean just people in general. Why can’t you just not watch it? Why can’t you let others enjoy it? Every time i even mention that i like STD everyone feels the need to tell me how awful it is. Ok? And? It’s not about objectivity, because if that were the case it would be things like filming, effects, etc. Which weren’t actually bad. Everyone’s main issue is with the main character, and again, ok? Why can’t you let people enjoy things? Just because you didn’t enjoy it doesn’t mean i can’t. I grew up watching all the original Star Trek shows, and i love the new shows just as much, for me Picard made me so happy to see some of the original characters again! It makes me happy to relive my childhood, but i’m not allowed to express it online without hate or abuse. All these people must have really missed ALL of the messages in Star Trek to give so much hate to people over a difference of opinion.

    April 22, 2020
  • PICARD SUCKS

    April 25, 2020
  • Let’s put it this way. Lifelong Star Trek fan here. After initial free month gave it a paid month of c-BS . Show still dull so cancelled my paid CBS all access subscription without even bothering to watch the rest of the season of Picard. c-BS bribed me w a free month so I stayed on but Picard is so forgettable n dreary I just cant watch it anymore. I liked seeing Riker Troi but felt like someone added a coat of sugar to an already bad tasting dish. So finally escaped c-BS & cancelled today. Everytime thought of tuning in Id just get a depressing feeling. Decided to watch something else so been enjoying ST Enterprise

    April 27, 2020
  • The author is just a child! Who cares what some child girl thinks about any version of Star Trek? She probably wasn’t even alive when The Next Generation was made. All star trek made since the end of Voyager is garbage and is non-canon. It must be ignored. Anything, star trek or otherwise, made since the 90s is feminazi garbage.

    May 6, 2020
  • Just finished the series. Gosh it was awful. At least we have Orville, and I hear Dr Who season 5 is good.

    May 7, 2020
  • Spitting on the legacy of Roddenberry, Kurtzman is a talentless hack 👎🏽

    May 8, 2020
  • One of my greatest memories growing up was watching TNG as a family every week. Thanks to unnecessary gratuitous violence and profanity my kids will never have that experience. Thanks.

    May 8, 2020

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