‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ and other pointless reboots in the works
There’s another Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot in the works! Who’s that cheering? Oh yeah, absolutely no one. Even Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo, and the other one must have been like, “Really? They want us to do it again?” Reboots are easy for the studios to make; they’re a tried and tested formula, they have a fanbase of sorts who’ll watch it for nostalgic value if nothing else, and they usually come with some sort of crappy toy range that they can push onto kids.
Along with TMNTs “radical” reboot, what other remakes are currently in the pipeline? (If you’re an aspiring filmmaker who’s made some great shorts or you’ve got an amazing idea for a new film that might actually be interesting and a break from the norm, we recommend you look away now.)
Daria
Ok, you got us. That’s great news (not a sentence Daria would likely ever say). The reboot (another word that Daria would surely sigh at) is being written by The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and Inside Amy Schumer pensmith Grace Edwards, so at least at this point it sounds promising.
Roseanne
The spinoff of the reboot was just announced. Seriously? Does anyone care about this prolonged and now highly politicized show? We certainly don’t.
The Crow
This looks like it could be a reboot that’s not happening now, as lead actor Jason Momoa (Justice League) and director Corin Hardy (The Hallow) both exited the project a few weeks back over financial and creative differences. It’s probably for the best too, as the original film will forever be tinged with great sadness due to the onset death of Brandon Lee (Rapid Fire) and the followup film they made, which had Iggy Pop (Dead Man) in it and is pretty much unwatchable.
Conan the Barbarian
With regards to a Conan reboot, you’ve got to ask yourself why? The guy’s great as he is, being all tall and ginger and funny and stuff. Then you realise it’s Conan the Barbarian and not Conan the O’Brien and it makes more sense. It’s also going to have Jason Momoa in it and with a lot of 80s movies / comics having muscle bound heroes in them, Mr. Momoa might just become the go-to guy for a whole boatload of reboots.
Kick-Ass
So five years is apparently the new minimum amount of time before you can needlessly reboot something, if we’re using Kick Ass as an example anyway. Remember that great idea you had for a film that you’ve been working on for years that’s based on your Grandpa’s war stories and the time he spent living with a jazz singer when he got out of the service? Yeah, no one wants to hear it – they want to see the same film they saw five years ago again, okay?
The Addams Family
The cast for the reboot was announced a couple of weeks ago and while it is a very good cast, you again have to ask why? If you’ve got Charlize Theron (Tully), Oscar Isaac (Annihilation), and Chloë Grace Moretz (The 5th Wave) (along with the voice of Bette Midler), wouldn’t it make more sense to just make something new?
The Real World
“I’ve got an idea,” said someone at MTV. “Why don’t we get a house and fill it with the kind of people who in high school thought that being loud and obnoxious meant they were special and then hope that they mate with each other and we can set them tasks and watch them get drunk and . . .” as the executive they were pitching it to placed a finger on their lips to shush them and said, “You had me at ‘loudest and most obnoxious.’’’ It’s just what MTV does nowadays. But it has just announced the Daria reboot, so maybe it’s one for them and one for us.
