Roller coaster accidents: Reasons to avoid theme parks after COVID-19

For those of us who aren’t stuck in our bunkers eating cans of old beans we’ve noticed that the world is starting to open back up. Shops, restaurants, and even amusement parks are finally re-opening. Before you pack the family into a van and hightail it to the nearest roller coaster, there are a couple things to consider so that you don’t end up another statistic of roller coaster accidents. 

Roller coaster barrons have prepared for you

Amusement parks have changed thanks to COVID-19 and since they’ve been closed for an unprecedented amount of time, they’ve had plenty of time to prepare for the hordes of infectious meat-bags that will be wandering through their property this summer. Before you get onto any roller coaster, amusement parks have set up temperature checks at the front of all their parks.

Don’t think you’re getting onto a roller coaster when you’re fake healthy

To all the would-be Ferris Bueller’s out there, you can’t just fake being healthy, you have to prove it before you get onto any roller coaster. Some parks even require health questionnaires before customers enter the park. In addition, guests must wear a face mask at all times, good luck eating that ice cream kiddo! Some parks in Korea are even giving out fines for park-goers that refuse to abide by the rules. 

Social distancing required while you wait to ride the roller coaster of questionable hygiene

The good thing about amusement parks is that they’re so huge that you might not even notice that social distancing is a thing. Although less people might be packing the hot tarmac of your favorite amusement park, you will notice the effects social distancing has on lines. If you thought it sucked to wait in line for your favorite roller coaster, how do you feel about waiting in a line twice as long?

I love waiting for roller coasters so much, I can’t wait to do it for twice as long!

Although there may be less people going to amusement parks now, the wait time may not even change since every other seat on a roller coaster will now be empty. That’s right, even if there’s all that space open for you to barf on, the line won’t be going any faster because they can’t have you slobbering on everyone around you. What slows the lines down even more is the cleaning that takes place between each ride.

Roller coasters will be cleaner than ever

Just remember back to all the times you were waiting in line for a roller coaster and the group right in front of you just lost their lunch all over the tracks, now imagine that happening every time the ride stops. To account for the slow down that people will face during the cleaning process, some amusement parks have virtual queuing apps that will notify you when you’re next in line for a ride.

Even with all that in place, are roller coasters going to be safe?

Even with all of these measures put in place, there’s still a chance that some of the accidents at amusement parks will no longer just be related to roller coasters. It’s inevitable that someone is going to sneeze on Mickey or a Stormtrooper and possibly pass it on to the next physical contact daredevil. We wonder if 2020 will be the year of roller coaster accidents that don’t even involve roller coasters. 

Strap into the new and exciting roller coaster of dull stares!

But even if all of these new norms won’t stop you from scratching that roller coaster itch, some amusement parks have even started to ban joyful screams of fun. Although fun is still not officially banned, an amusement park in Japan, Fuji-Q Highland, announced that they’re implementing a no screaming rule on all their roller coasters. This is done to reduce any possible COVID-19 related accidents. 

Reportedly you cannot even speak loudly at Fuji-Q Highland. Fuji-Q Highland has started a #KeepaSeriousFace campaign on twitter to remind us that fun will continue to be under attack while we adjust to our new roles as meat-robots. 

In case you didn’t know how to #KeepaSeriousFace, Fuji-Q Highland has given us a video of two listless Japanese men thinking about how disappointed their fathers are in them while they ride the roller coaster of bland experience. If this video isn’t enough to make you want to go on a roller coaster this summer, then maybe watching some paint dry will get you in the mood.