4 Relationship Principles To Ensure It Lasts long-Term
Most of us know at least subconsciously, that poor relational habits and patterns will lead to a poor quality of relationship or marriage.
Yet most of us overlook the long-term costs of our own poor relational patterns. We can also neglect to reflect on ourselves and whether we are adding value to our intimate relationship or not.
Here are the top 4 principles to embrace in your relationship to ensure that you are not only able to maintain the longevity of the relationship, but maintain the quality of your (and your lover’s) mental health.
Principle 1: Lead With Compassion & Understanding.
See, many couples actually create this unnecessary cycle of problems and stress within their marriage by turning every little conflict or upset into a prolonged fight, where each partner is trying to gain power over the other.
Instead of trying to show their partner more care, they try to show that they care less, and therefore are more “powerful” in the relationship.
It’s kind of like whoever has the most power in the relationship wins, kind of thing. It’s an attitude of if you lose, I win.
Instead, all of us should be approaching our intimate relationships (and our close relationships in general), with the idea that if you win, I win.
Put another way, instead of trying to gain power and control in the relationship – we should be trying to build deeper connection, more closeness, and greater trust.
If we adopted such an attitude, most couples would see their relationship quality skyrocket.
This is why we must lead with our compassion and understanding. Whenever there is a conflict, choose to lead with compassion and understanding first.
What might this look like?
It looks like putting yourself in your partner’s shoes.
Walk a mile in their shoes.
Feel what they feel.
This is how you can create more emotional connection and trust with them. This will increase the chances of your relationship lasting long-term.
If you create emotional connection and bonding, you can avoid relationship toxicity and continually bring feelings of security and trust in the relationship.
Moreover, this will ensure that you and your partner can overcome everyday challenges and stresses easily together.
When you can overcome challenges together, your relationship is much more likely to last long-term, because it’s built on strong foundations.
So, add value to yourself and your partner by leading with compassion and understanding, instead of building relationships based on power trips.
Principle 2: Use Physical Touch – A Lot.
A lot of relationships out there are toxic and actively raise our rates of depression and stress levels – because people just don’t have the right attitude and principles going into the relationship.
Touch is a quick way to build oxytocin, create emotional bonding, and reduce stress.
Whilst our relationships are supposed to enhance our quality of life, for a lot of couples – this isn’t actually the case!
Partly because husbands and wives tend to have a boatload of responsibilities these days, and unfortunately they bring their extra stress into the relationship.
This is where conscious physical touch comes in.
It has been shown that touch can lower stress levels. A study
examined how physical touch by an intimate partner mitigates the stress response and found the following:
“Women who received physical contact from their partners exhibited significantly lower cortisol levels and heart rates in responses to stress than those who received verbal social support or no social interaction.”
We shouldn’t assume that this only works in women, because men need love to. And a simple gesture of affectionate touch from their wife can make a man feel connected and loved as well.
Principle 3: Use Playfulness As A Way To Build Emotional Attraction Into Old Age.
Your physical, mental and emotional health are only as good as the quality of your relationships.
In fact, some people would go so far as to say that the quality of your relationships determine the quality of your life.
Knowing that, we should always prioritize the attraction and connection in our relationship.
After getting married, couples’ responsibilities tend to grow, rather than shrink.
As such, people forget to build emotional attraction and romantic tension – instead they fall into a rut and let the burdens of responsibility eat up their previously loving and exciting relationship.
This is where playfulness and bantering comes in. Playing is something we associate with children.
But playfulness is accessible and within every single one of us. It’s a unique and useful tool that we can use to bring out the best in our partner.
Not only that, but we all know laughter helps lower stress levels. Well, when you incorporate the element of playfulness and excitement into your relationship, laughter will come automatically.
Read this article by Renee, Author Of The Feminine Woman, to learn more about bantering and building emotional attraction in your relationship.
Principle 4: Always Add Value To Your Partner, Rather Than Taking Value.
There’s no doubt about it – the people around us who are the most toxic or who take the most value tend to make the worst long-term partners.
Some people call them leeches – other people call them toxic people.
Whatever you call them, try not to be one of them, because it’s so easy to fall into the trap of being a taker!
Instead, always look to add value to your lover first. Give them what they perceive as most valuable.
(For wives, who generally think that sex is the most valuable thing they can give to their husband, I always tell them – the answer might surprise you.)
The idea is to fill your partner up first, and be conscious of how much you’re asking of them, versus how much available energy they have.
If you want something, it always helps to ask yourself: “what can I give to them to fill them up first?”
It could be something as simple as a hug, or something else like a surprise note left on their desk.
I prefer something like unexpected roleplaying and banter – it reduces any negative tension in the air, and instantly helps to create connection.
And isn’t connection ultimately what we all need in order to remain happy?
Go ahead and try these 4 principles out in order to increase the quality and the lasting potential of your relationship or marriage.