November theory: Dating expert warns microcheating could soar
Google searches for “what is micro cheating” have risen by 20% in the US in the past week. This increase points to growing awareness among couples about dating trends and their effects on relationships during an imminent make-or-break period leading into Christmas. The announcement supplies guidance to help partners address these pressures through clearer definitions and proactive boundary setting rather than reactive measures.
The November theory positions November as the month where couples are urged to reflect on whether they want to further or end their relationship, often influenced by the holiday season. Robyn Alesich states that this time encourages reassessment of the future. Partners who feel something is missing could start to seek validation or connection elsewhere through microcheating behaviours, particularly as more opportunities arise to spend time apart due to Thanksgiving and Christmas commitments or events. Holiday preparations and family expectations can intensify existing dissatisfactions and create additional space for external attention.
Microcheating refers to behaviours and small breaches of trust that blur the line between platonic interaction and flirtatious chemistry without rising to physical affairs. Alesich notes this occurs most often during winter as relationships face tests from meeting families and deciding whether to continue into the new year. Seasonal stresses around shared events and long-term compatibility decisions heighten scrutiny of daily interactions that might otherwise pass unnoticed.
Intention behind actions and the presence of secrecy distinguish microcheating from ordinary conduct. Simply having friends of the opposite sex or complimenting someone’s outfit does not automatically indicate unfaithfulness. However, seeking romantic attention from a colleague without telling a partner differs from an open conversation. Alesich emphasizes evaluating whether behaviour crosses the specific boundaries established within each relationship rather than applying universal rules.
Couples disagree about what constitutes cheating because people enter relationships with previous experiences and different ideas around acceptable behaviour, and they do not always discuss expectations openly. One person might view flirting with colleagues at a Christmas party as harmless while their partner interprets the same actions as unfaithful and disrespectful. Alesich observes that this does not always assign blame, yet problems surface when boundaries remain unestablished.
The healthiest approach involves an honest discussion about what makes both partners feel respected and secure before problems occur. These talks may cover how each categorises flirting, private messaging someone they are attracted to, or appropriate conduct with friends and colleagues. Alesich stresses that boundaries operate both ways. A healthy relationship should not require one person to cut off all friends and colleagues, and discomfort should not be dismissed. Couples should build respect and trust through open honesty instead of monitoring every move.
If a partner displays microcheating behaviours that cross boundaries, first identify whether the actions form a pattern or remain an isolated gesture. No one should jump to conclusions, and an honest conversation remains the best option when feeling uncomfortable. However, if the partner continues the behaviour yet grows secretive about interactions, this may indicate something deeper. Alesich advises considering whether the relationship fits long-term needs in such cases.
Robyn Alesich is a relationship expert and co-founder of Sister Wives, a dating and matchmaking platform for adults interested in polygamy, polyamory, polyfidelity and other forms of consensual non-monogamy. The platform was founded in 2008 and operates across the United States and internationally. The advice appears in the announcement issued to support couples during the holiday period.
