‘Star Trek’ Captain Pike: All the ‘Picard’ mistakes CBS must avoid

Here’s a fun fact! Eugene Wesley Roddenberry was the creator of more than 10 different television programs, and a producer on almost a dozen more. 

He wrote for major and minor programs airing throughout the 60s and 70s. He created the Sci-Fi Channel’s Andromeda in 2000, as well as television films like 1977’s Spectre. Roddenberry had a background in police procedurals and Westerns, in addition to his legacy creating science fiction worlds.

We don’t think CBS knows that fun fact, because instead of developing work from his rich catalogue of past work, they are going to beat Star Trek properties like a dead Tribble until something valuable comes out.

Star Trek: Discovery’s Anson Mount is slated to portray Captain Pike in his own series, according to The Weekly Planet Podcast. 

Hosts James Clement and Nick Mason said they were informed by a reliable source that CBS is planning for Pike to have his own show after his star-making turn during STD’s second season. They also revealed Number One (Rebecca Romijn) and Spock (Ethan Peck) are expected to appear in the program in supporting roles. Akiva Goldsman will supposedly serve as showrunner.

We’re entering a period of Star Trek market saturation that has not been seen since the mid-90s, but there are a number of concerns. Star Trek: Picard has not been off to a stellar start, and we’ve been avoiding STD since the conclusion of the first season. While we will be tuning in to see if the Captain Pike show takes off, here are several things it could avoid from its predecessor STP.

Stop the &$%^ing swearing

Star Trek can say “fuck” now. 

It’s surprising, particularly since the strongest curse word in previous franchises was “damn” . . . and that was it. One of the worst things a Klingon could call someone was a “bIHnuch,” or coward, yet on Picard we have members of Starfleet complaining about “the sheer fucking hubris” of Jean-Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart). 

In an Instagram Q&A, showrunner Michael Chabon said “no human society will ever be perfect, because no human will ever be perfect. The most we can do—and as Star Trek ever reminds us, must do—is aspire to perfection, and work to make it so. Until that impossible day, shit is going to continue to happen. And when it does, humans are going to want to swear.”

Yeah, but still.

Television censorship might have been the reason why Captain James T. Kirk (William Shatner) wasn’t complaining about the “fucking tribbles,” but the language does not fit in with any prior Star Trek program, nor should it. What’s disappointing is that swearing is genuinely fun to watch, provided the show takes it in a new direction. 

Is “fuck” the furthest advancement in language that humanity has been able to reach? Why not “frack” or “frell” or “fork”? Why not have Picard let loose on a group of young cadets and have CBS bleep out the entire four-minute monologue? We’re sure he did it to Wesly Crusher at least once on Star Trek: The Next Generation. 

The casual embrace of cursing would work for any other television program, but Star Trek has always been different. Aliens and humans alike probably have a catalogue of profanity they use in every possible language in their day-to-day lives, but the viewer doesn’t need to listen to it. We’re hoping CBS does better with the unnamed Captain Pike show.

Get more creative with the gadgets

Picard is just recycling what we already have: wireless headphones, sunglasses, in the third episode, “The End is the Beginning,”  Raffi Musiker (Michelle Hurd) is vaping.

This is Star Trek! Where is the replicator? How has the holodeck evolved from STTNG? Where is the fantastical, nonsensical technology? At this point, all we’ve seen is that facetiming has only grown more annoying and robots are no longer in style.

While Pike would exist in a more dated time period than the modern setting for Picard, it should embrace the fantastic technology. Star Trek was credited with serving as the inspiration for a considerable amount of modern technology, such as tablets, and the technology on the show should only be limited by the writers’ imaginations. 

Stop teasing us with former cast members

If unsubstantiated rumors about Number One and Spock joining Pike in his potential adventures are true. . .that’s fine. But that’s all we need. 

Ever since the comic-con trailer for Picard teased the reunion between Picard, Deanna Troi (Marina Sirtis), and Will Riker (Jonathan Frakes), it’s been hard to pay attention to the actual plot of Picard. 

Sure, there is an evil sect of Romulans infiltrating Starfleet, but when does Data (Brent Spiner) show up? Oh, Data had twin daughters and one of them was brutally murdered? Bummer. Where is Counselor Troi’s planet and when will Picard get there? 

Picard has been just as guilty as STD of teasing former Star Trek cast members, but either have them involved in the mission from the beginning or don’t feature them at all. 

Overall, we would prefer if Pike went in a new direction and featured new players, stories, and adventures, but based on Picard and STD, we’re braced for disappointment.