Movie sex scenes: The ones so bad you’ll need bleach to forget them
Sex scenes. You hate ‘em when you’re watching a movie with your parents, you love ‘em when it’s a hot celebrity basically nude. But when it’s incredibly awkward, with poor chemistry, questionable camera angles, or just bad acting, you can’t help but cringe.
While some sex scenes you never want to watch again because they’re intentionally disturbing, there’s some that are just so bad you can’t believe someone let this go to film. These scenes are just so unsexy, they’re what teenage boys watch to get rid of a boner.
We know only five people actually saw Avatar back in 2009, even though it made 2 billion dollars in box office. So you may be confused as to what sex scene we’re actually talking about. Yes, our leading couple get it on, by braiding their hair together. Alien sex is weird everyone.
Tommy Wiseau screwing his fiancee’s belly button? Getting a clean shot of his ass? Him tracing the woman’s body with a rose? How much more convincing do you need about how cringy this scene is? And don’t even get us started on the second one, that just feels like an encore of the first one.
Jack Frost (1997)
Any sex scene involving non-consentual sex is going to be awful by default, because of the fact you’re watching a rape scene. But when the rapist is a snowman serial killer, who doesn’t exactly have any genitalia, you have to question what the writers were on when they created this disaster.
Zack and Miri Make a Porno
We have to give credit where credit is due: Kevin Smith really nails the fact that sex feels a lot better than it looks. Your amateur sex tape with your significant other is not going to become a viral hit on PornHub. Sorry to disappoint.
Elizabeth Berkley goes beyond insane in Showgirls to begin with, so it’s no surprise that her first real sex scene is just as intense as the rest of her performance. But her flopping around like a fish has us wondering if she ever had sex before that scene.
The scene itself is mediocre at best, but the addition of “Hallelujah” is what earns it a spot on this list. As dream as Leonard Cohen’s vocals are, there’s so many other songs of his that are better to bang to than that.
Watch as this slowly turns from a sexy hookup to necrophilia as Neil Patrick Harris dies permanently stuck with an O face. We knew Amy was a psychopath, but necrophilia seems a little too far for the woman. Also, ladies, just imagine the idea of a wine bottle shoved up your vagina the entire time this is happening and feel extremely uncomfortable.
Wet Hot American Summer
Sure, the whole point of the movie is these horny teenagers want to hook up with each other before they never have to see each other ever again. But McKinley and Ben (Michael Ian Black and Bradley Cooper) getting it on while also keeping room for Jesus (seriously, they’re not grabbing at anything a foot away from each other) is beyond stupid to watch.