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Watching ‘Zack Snyder’s Justice League 2021 Full Movie’ A Diary
The much-hyped film better known as the Snyder Cut is over four hours long. Watching it is an eye-opening journey of personality, profundity, and absurdity.
If fans of Zack Snyder—the same ones responsible for an unprecedented, years long effort to restore his original vision for Justice League through voluminous internet posting—wanted to savor their moment of triumph, the filmmaker’s got them covered.
The Snyder Cut is finally here, and it is boldly going where no superhero blockbuster has gone before: crossing the four-hour threshold. In all, the Snyder Cut—officially titled Zack Snyder’s Justice League—clocks in at [stares into the abyss] 242 minutes, which makes it longer than acclaimed epics like The Irishman, Ben-Hur, Malcolm X, The Godfather: Part II, Titanic, Lawrence of Arabia, and The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. Director’s cuts tend to be longer than theatrical releases, whether or not they’re fixing the mistakes of Joss Whedon, but you still get the impression Snyder didn’t leave a single thing on the cutting room floor.
But is the Snyder Cut a bold masterpiece from an auteur that needed a very long time to breathe, a brazen exercise in directorial self-indulgence, or something in between? To answer the universe’s most pressing question, I’ve retreated to the darkest corner of my apartment to get the full Snyder Cut experience.
Having already spent 12 hours watching bizarre programming during the Disney+ launch and even more time within the sadistic universe of Nicolas Winding Refn’s Too Old to Die Young, 242 minutes sounds like a walk in the park. Nevertheless, we’ll be breaking down Justice League into chapters, just like the movie.
Chapter 1: Putting Together a Team
- The new Justice League opens in the most Zack Snyder way possible: violence captured in slow motion.
- (Obviously, I’ll need to be way more specific.) Here, the action picks up with the ending of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, with Clark Kent dying at the hands of Doomsday, a villain technically formed via the mutated corpse of Michael Shannon’s General Zod by sneering tech bro Lex Luthor, which might be unimportant in the context of Justice League, but still bears repeating because these movies are so fucking weird.
- Anyway, Superman’s dying scream reverberates (in slo-mo) across the globe, from Wonder Woman’s homeland of Themyscira to the subaquatic Atlantean kingdoms. There’s a real weight and self-seriousness to the death scene, and it works way better than the cellphone footage Whedon’s Justice League used to mourn CGI’d-upper-lip Superman.
- Unfortunately, there’s no time to even process the symbolic resonance of Superman’s death, since his demise also reawakens the three Mother Boxes: vaguely defined repositories of power that could do apocalyptic damage in the wrong hands.
- For a movie that runs over four hours, at least Justice League wastes no time setting up its new villain.
- Steppenwolf arrives in Themyscira via—and here’s where I’ll use my extensive knowledge of DC Comics—a special magic teleport-y beam, flanked by an army of Parademons, winged creatures I can only assume were designed after Snyder watched The Wizard of Oz and decided that the flying monkeys could use an edgelord’s touch. In short: Steppenwolf razes a Themysciran temple and acquires one of the three Mother Boxes for his master, Darkseid. (More on him later.)
Chapter 2: Abolish Steppenwolf’s Face (and Chris Terrio Screenplays)
In between the scenes of various heroes trying to form a superteam (which ends up taking longer than the entirety of Lady Bird), Steppenwolf spends his time sending out Parademons to search for the other two Mother Boxes and using Magical Zoom Calls (real DC Comics term) to update Darkseid on his progress.
Steppenwolf’s plight might be depressingly familiar to anyone who’s worked in middle management. It seems that no matter what he does, he can’t impress the big boss. Apparently Steppenwolf still needs to conquer thousands of planets for Darkseid to even give him the time of day, which is frankly more unreasonable than anything Logan Roy barks about at Waystar Royco.
But maybe Darkseid’s being a dick because his subordinate is, quite literally, a tough look. Steppenwolf got a Snyder-approved redesign for the new Justice League, and while I genuinely can’t remember the Whedon-ized version of the villain, this one looks like the interior of a washing machine crossed with an orc that’s ingested too much HGH:
Final Word About Zack Snyder’s Justice League Full Movie
Staring at Steppenwolf for too long is like looking directly at a solar eclipse, and it doesn’t help matters that he’s: (a) as generic a villain we’ve had in the past decade of blockbuster filmmaking, and (b) not even the Big Bad of the DC Extended Universe, since Darkseid is this comic book world’s equivalent to Thanos.