Be a champion with this ‘GLOW’-inspired sex guide
We’ve already watched every second of S3 of GLOW and we’re sure y’all are pretty excited to hear that GLOW will be returning for a fourth and final season. So excited that the anticipation for the new season has likely infiltrated all aspects of your life – including the bedroom. You’ll find no judgement here, ladies and gentlemen!
In celebration of the spectacular second season – which FD has seen and can confirm is just as magnificent as the first – we’ve devised some GLOW-inspired sex moves to turn your bedroom into a wrestling ring. Remember that consent is sexy, to play safe, and to bring your A-game in “the ring”, because here are eight winning moves with legit happy endings you’ll want to do right by.
Ringing the Liberty Belle
Make like Liberty Belle (Betty Gilpin) and wear your finest and most patriotic ensemble – some star emblazoned silk shorts perhaps or the oversized Budweiser t-shirt you party in every 4th of July weekend – and relax your partner somewhere comfortable.
Bring out a little massage oil and solicit the sweet sound of freedom from them with your hands while singing the national anthem. Salute their “troop” as they enjoy the perfect all-American orgasm.
The Basic Body Slam
Stand at the end of the bed to announce to your partner that the sex is totally about to happen. Shout whatever your own personal sexy catchphrase is – personally we approve of something like “I’m coming for you!” – before launching yourself on top of their beautiful body. Rewatch GLOW before you try it so you know how not to crush your partner. Once you’re in position, get that sweet-ass consent and then have that sweet-ass sex!
Wear some glasses – even if they have fake lenses like Britannica’s (Kate Nash) – to ensure you look your smartest. Tell your partner that class is in session and they’re about to get learned. Go down on them and start off by writing the alphabet with your tongue.
Then when you’re feeling really confident, step that lesson up and use your tongue to write an entire scientific thesis or a whole Anton Chekhov short story (from memory) until they cum. It’s educational and fun!
GLOW-bot at Your Service
One of you plays the part of Bash’s faithful GLOW-bot while the other plays any one of the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling – rifling through its compartments and giving it demands. GLOW-bot must follow the sexy commands of their partner and allow them to rifle through the secret wonderland of their body in search for a secret “stash”.
Extra points if one of you is legit hiding some kush or whatever else in one of “nature’s pockets”. Perfect if you’re secretly hot for robots – or for drugs!
Fuck like wolves and howl when you cum. Simple AF.
The Hot Audition
The perfect foreplay game! Take it in turns for one of you to be Sam (Marc Maron) and for the other to be a new Gorgeous Lady of Wrestling auditioning for a role on the show and trying out different wrestling personas for it.
Use whatever clothes and accessories are lying around to construct your characters, give them backstories, and give them at least one catchphrase. Once each “Sam” has approved of a persona he likes, bring those beauties to the bedroom and see how they fare within the ropes of a love sesh. Don’t break character!
Wrap your legs around their head and have them go to town on you. If you’re feeling fancy you can even conjure the spirit of Zoya the Destroya (Alison Brie) and scream “Eat it you American swine!” in a really terrible Russian accent.
Safe words at the ready, ladies and gentlemen! This one goes out to some of the kinkier readers and requires some deep trust and affirmative consent – got that? Good. Finishing Move is a battle of the orgasm – whoever cums first, loses – so you need to bring out all of your best moves on them to make that happen.
If it seems like they’re about to cum, do a choke hold on them until they give their safe word, tap out, or gloriously “lose the fight”. Winner calls the shots for the next week (and wears that homemade GLOW championship belt you legit crafted during the first season of the show).