Movie sex scenes: These should never have been filmed
Sex scenes in movies are tricky. A lot of it comes down to making sure that all parties involved feel safe enough in order to do such intimate scenes. That’s why in the post-Me Too era of Hollywood, we hear a lot more about intimacy experts on sets. Sometimes, however, sex scenes in movies just turn out bad.
Whether it’s just odd or poorly conceived or whatever, these sex scenes just don’t work on any level. Some will out and out baffle you for their existence. Others will have you scratch your head in confusion. Either way, here are some of the worst sex scenes in movies that probably should have never been put to film.
Breaking Dawn is just a mess in so many ways. While the Twilight Saga series is marketed to teenagers, it got simultaneously sexual and sexless as the series went on? Well in the climax of the series, Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson) were going to have a PG-13 sex scene or you know heavily imply the sexual parts of it.
In Breaking Dawn: Part One and Part Two, we had these kind of, sort of sex scenes. They were supposed to, at least, hint at somethin’, somethin’ happening, you know? There are ways to do that artful fade to black, but it felt like the films were trying to have their cake and eat it too. Both of them were just an uncomfortable mess to witness.
Especially since because Renesmee has to exist, we need to get the hint of that sex scene in the movies. So it just fails on multiple levels and leaves everyone more frustrated than anything else. Breaking Dawn remains a mess on every level, huh?
Jack Frost (1997)
There are two live-action “snowman comes to life movies”. Both are named Jack Frost. One is about a man who dies and becomes his son’s snowman because Christmas. The other is about a snowman with a thirst for blood. Three guesses which one has the sex scene.
If you guessed “killer snowman movie”, then you are correct there, folks. So there are many scenes over the decades of objects that shouldn’t really have sex, having sex. Honestly, it was between this and the teddy bear in Ted. Jack Frost wins out because it’s . . . you have to think about the logistics here. It also becomes a rape allegory as well.
Basically, Jack Frost dissolves himself in a bath of telegenic co-ed. As she’s bathing in him(?), he reforms around her. The whole scene is weird, uncomfortable, and really shouldn’t exist.
Howard the Duck (1986)
Howard the Duck is a weird movie on a lot of levels. Early on, there’s a shot of an anthropomorphic female duck’s bare breasts. It . . . just gets weird from there. Now, we should make it clear, in comics, Howard has a human girlfriend. And, you know what? Fine. They’re both drawings and whatnot. We can believe and root for Jessica Rabbit and Roger.
Then you take a relationship between a human woman and a man in a duck costume in live-action. You know what? It just gets real uncomfortable, real quick for the audiences. Now, this sex scene is a little more fade to black. But, again, why does this exist and why does Lea Thompson seem so game about it?
Still we have to see the post-coital afterglow and . . . no.
Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)
Ask anyone within the BDSM community, they will give you a laundry list of things wrong with how their community and sex within Fifty Shades of Grey is depicted. The most dangerous thing about the E.L. James series is how a wider audience got a very wrong depiction of how BDSM works. The film would have ended up on the list for that reason alone.
Seriously, if you’re interested in BDSM. Do your research and don’t based anything on Fifty Shades, deal?
Still, the sex in the film version of Fifty Shades of Grey is just lacking. Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan have no chemistry. The sex scenes are just . . . unsexy in every way. Basically, it’s just exploiting a kink in order to get the audience titillated but grossly misrepresenting it. The whole franchise is just wrong.